It’s About Time (I changed the title of this blog)

Not quite ten years ago, I started this blog for a variety of reasons.  Since then, a lot has changed, including the reasons for continuing to write and what I write about.  Actually, just about everything has changed except the title.  I’ve been wanting to do that, too, but couldn’t think of a title that stuck with me, reflected exactly what I wanted to be all about.  And then it hit me.

I’ve been reading American Lighting, about the bombing of the LA Times Building back in 1910 and the intersection of three prominent Americans – Billy Burns, the famous detective who “cracked the case;” Clarence Darrow, who defended the labor-leader perpetrators; and D. W. Griffith, the famous director, who had absolutely nothing to do with these events but somehow author Howard Blum wove him into the narrative.  As a history, it’s a bit clunky, but Blum mostly pulls it off.

But briefly mentioned in the text (he had more to do with the story than Griffith) is E. W. Scripps, and the reference to him as “The Old Crank.”  Turns out that’s not quite right – it’s DAMNED OLD CRANK, which was also the title of his autobiography.  I knew about Scripps, of course – started the Detroit News and later a chain of newspapers, then created UPI, etc., etc.  Ohio University’s School of Journalism is named after him.  At some point, I’ll have to find a copy of the bio and read more about the man, if nothing more than to find out what made him tick other than his prolific consumption of cigars and whiskey – he was reported to drink about a gallon a day.

So why use Damned Old Crank for the title of this blog?  Is that a reference to the great journalism I hope to accomplish here?  A tip o’ the hat to Scripp’s moxie and drive?

Nah.  It’s just that I not only consider myself a Damned Old Crank, but others do, too.

My Sister-in-Law’s nickname for me is “Mr. Bombastic.”  I can get like that, for sure.  My wife says that as I’ve aged I’ve gotten crankier – she blames the fact that our social skills have been dulled for the last 15 months due to COVID, while I think I come off that was because my voice is going (I now speak in a raspy old-man growl due to throat irritation mixed with actually being irritated by other people).

The old “Wanna Bet” title partly reflected the original purpose of the blog (to talk about gambling) and a personal attitude.  Back in the day, that was my Dad’s rejoinder (and mine) to a challenge or a claim that something we uttered was incorrect.  “Wanna Bet?” Dad would bellow, and I adopted the same phrase and defiant position.  Later in life, when Mona and I faced one hurdle after another, we’d respond a bit differently (though still defiant): “Oh, yeah?  Well, fuck you!”  No, seriously.  It was like a precursor to the “Hold my beer” prompt, and it became our rallying cry when faced with whatever challenge life threw our way.

Now that we’re retired, the challenges are fewer (though no less daunting), and while, “Oh yeah, well fuck you” sounds like a great blog title to ME, I kept thinking I could do a bit better (and come off less crass).  So Damned Old Crank it is.

Your comments and sass are welcome, and no, I don’t plan to change the picture just yet even though it’s 25 years old, because it’s STILL the biggest check I’ve ever received from writing (both figurative and literally).  Maybe someday once I’ve lost as much hair as Scripps, but not now.

300

"Championship Bowling" host Fred Wolf
often said, "If you can do it with a
pencil, you can do it with a bowling ball." 
I can assure you that you cannot write
with a bowling ball.  Nor can you do
some other things I can't talk about
here, because this is a family blog.

I've hit 300!

Today marks the 301^st post on the “WannaBet” blog, something I started on a lark nearly 10 years ago.  This blog has come a long way since then.  As have I. 

Since all communication has purpose, the purpose of the blog back then was to go hand-in-hand with the release of my first ebook about Poker.  “All the trades” said that in order to promote your wares, “ya gotta have a blog,” so I did.  I wasn’t hard to convince, since I like to write.  Always have, though I haven’t always put myself out there.

Those of you who knew me back when might recall that I was a very shy individual until about 8^th grade when I did something very stupid; I ran for class Vice President.  Really, I did, even though
(a) those things are always popularity contests, not actually about who has the best “platform” or “ideas”,
(b) I knew this, and
(c) I was very very unpopular.  

Why yes, it was a disaster, and you’d think that would have shut me up and locked me into a deep dungeon for years.  It almost did, but then I got the idea to run for homeroom president in 9^th grade and actually won.  How could this happen?  Well, I was only president for the first semester, because I agreed to share the position with another non-cool-kid and we basically split the cool-kids vote so that we’d win each time.  We were math people and we could add – we knew there were more uncool kids than cool kids in our homeroom, and cool kids don’t do math.

But it wasn’t until I found out about radio in high school that I really came out of my shell.  I still wasn’t cool, but I didn’t feel bad about myself anymore.  Hell, I even tried out for a class play my senior year, and that was something else (and I got a part, though not the one I tried out for).  Acting was different than radio because in radio NO ONE SEES YOU and yet you still can communicate with the audience.  As an actor, everyone sees you.  Still, I didn’t wet myself, so it turned out OK.

I never set the radio world on fire, but being in the industry (briefly the first time) gave me more confidence, something I lacked in spades.  I matured enough to get a job, start a career, get married*, the whole nine yards.  One thing I began to do in my off-hours of work (where ever I worked, in a variety of jobs) was write.  Writing was like radio in that you could communicate but people didn’t see you (so you could really put yourself out there without fear).  Of course, few people (if any) saw any of what I wrote, but it felt good in a way that I didn’t understand back then.  Call it cathartic if you will, but writing filled a need I didn’t know I had.

At some point my writing “skills” tiptoed into my work.  I decided my memos at the bank no longer had to be boring, so I spiced ‘em up so that people would actually READ them (isn’t that the point?).  I wrote about my memos back in 2016 in this post here if you’re interested, my point being that I had learned that the idea of writing was to communicate EFFECTIVELY (even if it pissed off the brass at the bank).  I endeavored to improve my writing skills, and broaden I wrote about.

From the bank to the university to being back in radio to marketing research, I wrote all sorts of stuff.  Newsletters, memos, reports; and in each one I tried to use my “voice” – speaking plainly, with a dash of humor, always trying to effectively get my point across.  I thought I succeeded well enough.

But one day…I was facing complete unemployment, wondering what in hell I’d do for a living, having gone through several “careers” and facing another 15-20 years of my life before I could hope to retire.  The answer?  WRITING!  I did a bunch of freelance work, was a reporter for a weekly paper in Boise, and discovered two things:
(1) I loved to write, and
(2) there was no way in hell I could make enough money by writing alone.  

Fate stepped in with a full-time job at the marketing research center, and then the big change in life running the ice cream parlor, but all the time I kept writing.

Not me.

In the last ten years, most of that writing has appeared here.  Yes, I’m still trying to write a great novel (sometime soon I’ll tell you about attempt #3).  The blog serves me as an outlet for some of my anger and frustration.  I try not to be an angry old man yelling at clouds.  Early on I used my blog as a megaphone to push for online poker in the US (which dried up about the same time I wrote the poker books and started the blog, ironically).  Sheldon Adelson was my big adversary then; later on, it was “the former guy” aka the Orange Menace who incurred much of my wrath.  There’s been humor, and whimsy, but mainly WannaBet was a mirror on how I felt that day, that week.  There have been a few good times and a lot of struggles.  Things are looking up now, and hopefully I’ll share more mirth here sooner rather than later.

There have been noticeable gaps when I didn’t post anything for months (in a couple of cases, more than a year).  I’ve still been writing – mostly online screeds or diatribes on social media (and all those attempts at novel writing).  I realize now that the former was time wasted, as I was actually trying to convince folks on the other side of their folly using logic.  Yeah, pretty stupid, I know.  You know how that turned out.  The tinfoil anti-antifa crowd distains things like facts and evidence and lives for the slightly off-key music that echoes inside their tiny heads.  I wrote a shitload of words, all for naught.  I won’t make that mistake again, partly because I have a block list that spans a couple of pages now.  Better for my blood pressure, too.

So here I am babbling about, but that’s the great thing about this blog.  It’s free and you, the reader, are always as free to reject what is written, just as I am free to write whatever I please.  I do aim to please, but sometimes my aim is off.  Like being drunk in front of one of those tiny urinals.

Thank you for bearing with me these last 300 posts, and a warning:  There will no doubt be more.

 

* yeah, sometime I’ll talk about my dating prowess (or lack thereof), but I’ll have to be very very drunk to get that started.  Don’t hold your breath.

Dribs and Drabs

Nothing here that’s earth-shattering or worthy of an entire post, but all together?  It’s in my head, so out it comes.

My sister-in-law gave me a 9 ounce can of chocolate covered coffee beans for Christmas.  I still have a third of a can left.  My brother-in-law gave us a tin of homemade toffee, and there’s half of that left, too.  My question is this – what the hell is wrong with me?

One of my new “you’re retired now so you have new things to do” jobs is cleaning out all my old emails.  Wow.  It’s, uh…been a while.  I found some oldies but goodies…

• We first started thinking about where we’d live in retirement in 2009, and I found an old email I sent to a company that makes modular homes (like what we got, but another firm).  I can’t believe I hung on to it, because at the time we said, “we can never afford this.”
• I went through all the emails from the kids that worked with us at the parlor, and I have concluded that “something just came up” = “I forgot this.”
• Don’t worry kids – I deleted ‘em all, so I won’t embarrass you later in life when you ask for a reference.
• It seems that, for a while, I forgot how to bookmark a website page.  Or I thought I found stuff that was really, really, REALLY interesting and didn’t want to forget about it, so I emailed the link to myself.  And then forgot about it, because I found such links in FIVE different folders.  So not only did I forget to go back to the links, I forgot where I was storing them.  To add insult to injury, most of the links are now dead.
• Just kidding kids – I saved ALL OF THEM.  Deleted a ton of other stuff, though.

Something else that slipped through the hands of time – Remembrance Day.  Nope, it’s not on your Hallmark calendar.  This is something we do every New Year’s Eve, though it’s a year-long event.  You’ve seen it on Facebook and elsewhere – every time something exciting/memorable/noteworthy happens, you write the event down on a small piece of paper and stick it in a jar (we use an old cookie jar, since we haven’t been making cookies of late).  When we went to read all of our notes for this year, we felt fond memories rising about 2018 – getting the business sold, getting the new house built (well, the progressive steps along the way).  Then Mona pulled out FINISHED ALPACA SWEATER.  “Wait a minute,” she said.  “That was last year.”  We pulled a few more from 2017 out of the jar and then realized that we never “celebrated” Remembrance Day last year.  Well, it WAS a stinker of a year.

I saw an article saying that paper books were making a comeback (versus eBooks).  Personal observation – I put three of my eBooks into paperback editions back in 2017, and initial response was “meh.”  This year?  MANY more sales, and now paperbacks are about half my total sales, even though only three of the five books are available in that edition.  I may need to rethink this.

Oh, and Mona’s paperback (see at right) got another 5-star review.  So go buy the thing already.  Or go review one of my books (provided you liked it).

Why does this remind me of a Redd Foxx album?

Finally – Am I the only one, or is the “Charmin Toilet Paper Bear Family” getting on your nerves, too?  They are starting to creep me out with all the “clean wipe” references.  Why not just go buy a bidet and be done with it?

Baked Goods

I'm sure I was cute like this.  Yeah, right.

Christmas time always provides a wealth of memories, and I’m no exception.  What is most vivid is…cookies.  Lots of special Christmas cookies.  It helped to make me what I am today.

Fat.

I’ve always had a weakness for baked goods.  You might be thinking, “Well, if that’s the case, why didn’t you run a bakery instead of an ice cream parlor.” 

We almost did.  We actually looked at several bakeries in our search for a business, but they either were

(a) non-money makers, a common problem in this day-and-age when the “local bakery” = “Safeway” or

(b) too expensive for us. 

It’s probably a good thing we didn’t buy one, as I’d probably weigh 100 pound more than I do now.  And Mona would, too (her weakness for beaked good might be even more-so than my own).  No wonder we’re so compatible.  This lovin’ in the oven explains why it’s so easy to buy presents for us.  Think: food.

Family and friends thought so.  All this past week we’ve enjoyed Danish Kringle, Scottish Bannock, and Hungarian Beigli.  We still have a couple of unopened prizes in the fridge – some unmarked breakfast bread from Vermont with cheese and bacon, and something else marked “refrigerate immediately” – that’s all we know.  Those are magic words, by the way - “refrigerate immediately.”  Sigh.

And cookies.  Christmas cookie are magical.  You get types of cookies in December that you never get any other time of the year.  Coconut cresents.  Thumbprint cookies.  Lebkuchens.  Gingerbread people.  Snickerdoodles.  Snowballs.  RUM BALLS.  Pretty sure I got my first buzz as a nine-year old eating too many rum balls.

And how do curry favor with Santa?  Leave cookies.  No brainer.

This carries over to daily life, too.  You want to build camaraderie at the office?  You bring donuts.  We should extend this – you want world peace?  Tell Pakistan that it’s their turn on Friday to bring donuts for everyone (and toss in a few bagels, OK?).  Deed done.  War is over, if you bake it.

Forget fancy state dinners.  Coffee (or tea) and pastries.  Maybe some bagels with cream cheese and lox, or petit fours, or even a bear claw or some éclairs.  Maple bar, scones, cupcakes, turnovers, cinnamon rolls, brownies, cake, PIE!

And cookies galore.

I think I gained five pounds writing this.  Merry eating to all.

Why No, I Haven’t Written Much Lately

Yes, I’ve been busy.  I’m about to be even more so, as today marks the beginning of the summer tourist season.  Traditionally, I write a final pre-season post and say goodbye for the summer, so to speak.  Once the tourists are gone in September, I return with a flourish.  Since I started this post several weeks ago, it’s now turned into that post. 

Yeah, I haven’t written much lately.  It’s certainly not from a lack of material to write about.

For example, take President Trump.  Please.  There has been so much one could discuss.  I’ve considered it several times, but, just as I start up the ol’ laptop, another bombshell hits and attention is diverted to the chaos du jour. 

There are two reasons I don’t talk about Trump – one, many others do it far better and with more vitriol than I (see: “100 Days 100 Horrors” here), and more importantly, it’s preaching to the saved.  The 36% who still see him as Making America Great Again see nothing wrong here.  Two recent quotes (from Facebook comments) are telling:

“Trump has done more in his first three months than Obama did in eight years!”

“Never, never in my lifetime seen a President be scrutinized over every word he speaks, humiliated by the public, insulted, lied to…Every other President after they got in office were left alone…”

It’s just a different reality, I guess.  Oh, BTW, the election was six months ago and yes, we’re well over that.  What we’re not over is what’s going on now.  THAT’S what is pissing us off.  Just sayin’.  See “100 Days 100 Horrors” here.

Anyway, as the “well-oiled machine” turns into a “dumpster fire” into a “train wreck” and is now in “full-blown Hindenburg,” we’ll all wait to see what happens.  I know where my money is.  Hello, President Pence (ick).

I could be writing about the ongoing battle to restore online poker to its pre-Black Friday glory.  In 2013, three states legislated legal and regulated online gaming and poker.  And we still only have three states.  We push ahead and contact legislators in the various states that show interest in moving forward (California seems like a dream to us now), but…progress here is very, very slow.  There have been signs of life lately in PA and NY, but…well, we’ll see once summer is over.  Perhaps I will return to a much different online landscape.

And speaking of slow progress…the real reason I’ve written hardly at all.

I mentioned at the beginning of the year that I was optimistic about 2017, and that was because we had a lot going on.  That’s one reason there haven’t been many words scribed to this blog – we’ve been involved.  Running the business, selling the business, building a house – all of that at the same time.  It’s kept us very busy, but, sadly, there’s been little real progress.  Like watching glaciers melt.  We wanted to get a lot of the paperwork and decision making out of the way before we started the busy part of the tourist season.

Fat chance.

I realize designers and contractors and bankers are busy people, and they have many other things on their plate.  But the thing that gets me is that I never hear back from them when I ask a question or inquire as to the status of our project.  Deadlines come and go.  “Life stuff” comes up and gets in the way (some of it has been legit, so I am only half-complaining here). Remember how email and cellphones were supposed to speed things up and make communication fast and effortless?  Apparently that’s not true if you never look at your email and never answer your phone.  Who knew?

All I know is that the next person who tells me “I’ll have something to you by Friday” gets it right between the eyes.

But here’s the best part of all this – work, house, selling the biz – I write this knowing that it’s gonna get worse (busier) before it gets better, but I also know that most likely this will be the LAST TIME we do this.

We hope.

The Descent of the Locusts

I am 64 and a half, almost exactly.  And I have a target on my back.  If you’ve already 65 and been through this, feel free to chuckle, reminisce, grab a beverage and go to the next item on your list.  But you youngsters (64 and under)…pay attention.

The target I speak of is actually a bit lower than that – say, about wallet-height.  Because in just three short months, I will be able to sign up for Medicare, which means that I will be “eligible” to spend a shitload of money on “supplemental insurance” to cover the gaps in the “insurance” that I supposedly have already paid for with payroll deductions over the course of the last 53 years (I started work at age 11).

I am a hot commodity, for sure.  So far, since the golden date (exactly 6 months before my birthday), I have averaged 5.2 calls per day, and 3 mailers.  It’s only gonna get worse from here.

Now, no one is trying to sell me anything.  They all say that.  Seriously.  I know the tell-tale sign of a predictive dialer – that empty sound when you answer the phone and say, “Hello?” and hear nothing for about seven seconds and then the unmistakable sound of a phone-bank in the background while “Sharon from XXX” comes on and mangles your name.  You tell them “Sorry, no solicitors,” and they ALWAYS say, “Mr. Eckenjer we’re not selling anything we just want to be sure you have all the information you need to make an informed choice regarding your Medicare options including Part D and Medigap coverage and did you know Mr. Essenkar that millions of Americans will not have enough to pay for even the simplest medical care that Medicare doesn’t provide for and with…”

Except what it sounds like is

“Mr.Eckenjerwe’renotsellinganythingwejustwanttobesureyouhavealltheinformationyouneedtomakeaninformedchoiceregardingyourMedicareoptionsincludingPartDandMedigapcoverageanddidyouknowMr.EssenkarthatmillionsofAmericanswillnothaveenoughtopayforeventhesimplestmedicalcarethatMedicaredoesn’tprovideforandwith…”

Not selling anything.  Riiiiiiiiight.

They are persistent.  On the first day, we let messages go to the answering machine (as we were involved in the kitchen.  Making lunch…I’m 64, remember?).  One company called NINE times.  They are unflappable.  I told one guy he was the 19^th caller in the last four days, and he said, “Well, let me hang up and call you right back so I can be caller number twenty.”  They are…a pain in the ass.

And when you tell them, “I’ve already taken care of this, thanks for calling,” they act like the Energizer bunny and keep…on…going.  Until you hang up, and even then, I’m not certain.

I am also pissed at the whole scheme of things, having to sign up for Part D insurance now even though I only have one very low-priced prescription. I am pissed because

(a)  Drug prices may rise (May?  Who the hell are we kidding?).

(b)  I might not only have one prescription in the future.  Mona has three, and she’s YOUNGER than I am and in better health overall.  Well, except for the drugs.

(c)  If I don’t sign up now, and decide to pick a plan later, I’ll be changed a penalty for EVERY MONTH I failed to sign up prior…for EVERY MONTH I decide to be on the plan.  If I live a long time (and I plan on it), I could pay another shitload of month just for the insurance to pay for the drugs I might take.

(d)  Marijuana isn’t covered.  Shit.

I might return to this topic at a later date.  Depends on whether the drugs kick in.

BREAKING NEWS – CSIG is DEAD

Hey man, want some hippie lettuce?

In a shocking reveal today, casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson announced the disbandment of his Coalition to Stop Internet Gambling.  Adelson noted the continued closing of many poker rooms in Las Vegas as a sign that poker needed new blood, and stated, “There’s no better way to attract new players than to introduce them to the electronic felt.”  Adelson said he’ll make haste to get an online presence soon.

When asked if his Sands Corporation would look to buy or merge with one of the existing players like PokerStars, or built its own online site, Adelson startled reporters by revealing that they has already designed a new Internet gaming site.  It’s ready to launch “…just as soon as my buddy Trump signs a new Executive Order legalizing online poker in 49 of the 50 states.’  It appears that Utah will be the lone state where poker is NOT allowed, though the E.O. has a unique sub-clause that allows for the development of new, much-stronger networking of Internet wi-fi systems in Idaho.

When asked if his original “concern for the children,” one of his original driving factors for creating CSIG, Adelson scoffed.  “You know, eventually some 7-year-old is gonna find Dad’s iPhone and log in and start to play, but when the little punk gets his pocket jacks snapped and loses a wad, he’ll learn a valuable lesson.  That’s life.”

In a related statement, Miriam Adelson, Sheldon’s spouse, announced the closing of the Miriam & Sheldon G. Adelson Clinic for Drug Abuse in Tel Aviv, and the opening of a chain of “Uncle Shelly’s Weed ‘n’ Feed” stores in states where recreational marijuana is legal.  Adelson said he especially wants to set up shops in Nevada, where he sees a good fit with legal online poker and legal dope.  “Hey, it’s just the thing when you get your pocket jacks snapped.  Light up a doobie and rebuy.”

Adelson also noted that former right-hand man Andy Abboud is already scouting for “Weed ‘n’ Feed” locations in Las Vegas.  Adelson sent Abboud out about three weeks ago with a large bundle of cash and about 15 ½ pounds of sample product. “Strangely, Andy hasn’t checked in lately,” Adelson pondered. “Maybe he lost his cell phone again.”

If It Were Up to Me…

And I love the Red, White, and Blue; just not in that order.

I did a thought experiment today; play along with me.  Let’s say I am the President of the United States.  No, not President Mike Exinger – I am Donald J. Trump.  Yeah, I’m President Trump, and if it were up to me, this is what I’d do.

I’m President.  Period.  I won the election.  Not so bigly like I’ve claimed, but I won.  I’ve got a compliant (that is to say, Republican) Congress, so I am pretty much guaranteed that my agenda is going to get a fair hearing and most likely I will be successful in implementing my programs.

So what’s the problem?  Well, I like attention, and I want to be seen favorably.  I certainly have my fans, but there are many who don’t care for me.  And that includes the press, which doesn’t help make me any new friends.

Of course, it’s not ALL of the press – I’d be nowhere without Fox News and many right-leaning media outlets (National Enquirer, Sheldon Adelson, Breitbart…you all know who you are).  But much of the “MSM” I consider to be the “enemy of the American people.”  Most particularly those members of the press we excluded from Friday’s gaggle.  They all have one thing in common – they’re all investigating and running stories about my “so-called” ties to Russia.

Funny thing is, the more I castigate the press, the worse I seem to be doing in those all important polls of my approval.  I did not see that coming.

So how can I win the public over and finally put the media in its place (the dumpster)?

Well, if it were up to me, I’d say “Let’s investigate me – fully.” 

No, really.  I’ve got nothing to hide, remember?  I am squeaky clean like a baby from its bath.  I’d haul out my tax returns, let them assign a Special Prosecutor, hold hearings with subpoena power – you name it.  Let them flail about trying to pin something on me – and come up empty.

Sure, Michael Flynn and Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen and Felix Sater may or may not have Russian connections, but that’s not ME.  I said I have no deals with Russia.  They don’t have anything on me – no secret recordings, no video, no loans, no Russian mafia, nada.  Investigate all you want, and when the smoke clears?  I am home free, and the American Press will have egg on their collective face.

Winning!

Now the thing is, like I said, I have to be squeaky clean.  I really have to be in the clear, and that means I really can’t have any ties to Putin or Russia or the Russian mafia at all.  Nyet.  I mean, none.

Now, if it were up to me and I DID have ties to Moscow; maybe a loan or three, some previous nefarious communications, a night with a проститутка…what would I be doing about that? 

Pretty much this right now.

Paperback Writer Part 2, or “The Further Adventures of Marilla Parabola”

Available exclusively at Amazon.com

Yesterday I spoke (bragged) about Mona’s new book, “Just Pick the Least Worst.”  To some this may be obvious – of COURSE I am going to brag about it, not because she’s my wife (and I really do like sleeping in the same bed instead of the closet), but because she is the writer in the family.  Yes, I write, and have written, but she WRITES.

I mean, she’s the real talent.  I’m just a hack.

I did a lot of freelancing in the 90s.  Was published in a variety of places, including a number of gaming-related magazines.  Made a couple of airline mags.  Wrote a regular column and features for a long-dead Boise weekly newspaper.  Had fun and made some money, but not a lot, so I went back to a real job.  At the same time, Mona tried her hand at writing, and sold a few articles, and then a short story that became a serial and then an actual book.  A popular book, that sadly is no longer in print (but copies remain in the resale market on Amazon and others).

So when she set out to write another book, I had all the confidence that she’d get that one published, too. “Just Pick the Least Worst” is a humor book, because that’s what she really wanted to write, and she’d a very, very funny person.  She’d have to be to be married to me (stop it right there – having a sense of humor is not the same as being funny, although both are needed to be married to me).  We’ve read lots of so-called humor novels and frankly, they mostly leave us wanting in that the story might be OK, but it’s not funny.  At all.  Hence, her desire to write something that makes you giggle at times, guffaw in spots, and occasionally spit something out your nose.

Yeah, THAT funny.  And where does she get the material for such funniness?

From life, and that crazy head of hers.  Is buying a house that difficult?  Perhaps.

Is it as crazy (and hilarious) as she describes it?  Whaddaya, nuts?  You bet it is.

She wrote her first book, Home on the Trail, as a fictional historical novel.  It’s a tale of a couple that flees a life of hardship in Michigan and tackles with Oregon Trail with a group, only to stop short of the goal and settle near Fort Boise.  And even though we’re from Michigan and lived in Boise it’s not about US.  It’s fiction, even though the couple had two kids, a boy and a girl, and we had two dogs, a boy and a girl, and…OK, there are a few more “coincidences.”  But it’s fiction.

So is “Just Pick the Least Worst” – a story about a couple on the move and fiction.  Really.  No, YOU ARE NOT IN THIS STORY and MARILLA AND FORELOCK ARE NOT US.  

It’s the story of a young couple who, after making several moves around the country decide to move from their last rental and buy a home which is a real fixer-upper and the trial and tribulations they suffer at the hands of realtors and bankers and family and movers and even the stupid people at the title company but it’s NOT about US.  Sure, we’ve moved 13 times in five cities and owned four homes and two were fixer-uppers and Christmas with our extended families means four huge meals PLUS snacks in less than 24 hours but this is a work of FICTION.  Any names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is dumb luck.

Fiction.  And it’s funnier than hell, because truth is stranger than fiction.

And no doubt there will be further adventures of Marilla Parabola, because we’re lived a very full and funny life, and we’re not finished just yet.

Paperback Writer, Part 1

The week before Christmas I made mention that,

“…we’re waiting on one more thing, but it actually goes out to everyone on our list, and it’s been the biggest Christmas clusterf**k in quite the while.  It deserves its own blogpost and it will have one after the holidays, because if I explained it all now it’ll spoil the surprise.”

So Christmas is over, and the clusterf**k needs to be explained.  And the picture tells the story.  Like Paul McCartney sings, “I want to be a paperback writer.”  And now I am.

You probably know that I’ve already written several eBooks (five in all).  Now I’ve written three paperbacks.  OK, yeah, all I really did was take the eBooks and turn them into paperbacks.  Before I explain why I did that, and all about the clusterf**k, let me tell you what’s now in paper (available exclusively at Amazon.com):

The ABC’s of Craps

The ABC’s of 21

Let the Chips Fall: A Collection of Short Stories About Gambling

These three books lend themselves well to the paperback format, and, not coincidentally, they’ve been my best sellers.  However, lately the eBook sales have been lagging, so I thought that I’d try the services of CreateSpace, the book-creation devision of Amazon.  That was one reason I did this.

The other reason will be explained in greater detail in the next post, but briefly – the spousal unit has another book!

Uh-oh…better have the link to “Just Pick the Least Worst” here.  OK, did it, honey.

Naturally, I am happy to see this, and my role in all of this was getting it published.  Her previous book, Home on the Trail, was published by Odgen Publicatons (Mother Earth News, Utne Reader, Grit, and many more).  This book wasn’t in that vein, and so…rather than seek out another publisher, I suggested it be self-published (as we planned to give her book and one of mine as Christmas presents).  That’s the real reason I decided to try out the CreateSpace program. And so now that everyone has their gift, I can explain what happened.

The good news:  when I set up my three books on CreateSpace, I had absolutely no problems whatsoever.  The learning curve wasn’t that steep considering I had made them as eBooks previously, and even with a couple of false starts, I got the job done quickly and the books look good.

The bad news:  every possible thing that could have gone wrong with Mona’s book did.

We did have some issues of our own in the formatics – some of it our fault, and one big issue due to their compiling program.  Briefly – even though the title page was centered, and in the preview it LOOKED centered, when the proof came back, it was LEFT justified.  Asking their Customer Service about this got me a “we’ll respond in a day or two” reply, so I went on to the user forums to try to find a solution.  After a few hours someone there responded, and we eventually solved the issue.  Briefly, even though CreateSpace allows for .doc and .docx submissions, it’s best if you use a .pdf.  And, not just ANY .pdf, but one that is PRINT generated, not SAVED.  I didn’t even know there was a difference, and once I did, didn’t even have a program that could do that.  Turns out there are several, including a couple of free ones, and may I strongly suggest that if you need one try CutePDF (link here).  Works like a charm, and it’s free.

It’s a good thing I sought an answer this way, because once I DID get a response from CreateSpace (a day later), it was basically worthless.  I think it said, “Something something these things happen try again and use our preview mode yargle bargle.”

While this response had no value (because it required human intervention), the automatic functions of CreateSpace seemed to work flawlessly and quickly.  For example, once you review the cover and insides to your satisfaction, you submit the completed document to CreateSpace – they create a “proof” for you to do the “final” review, and then, within 24 hours, your book is ready!

This worked to perfection with all of my books, and the first two times we requested a proof for Mona’s book.  Of course, once we finally had a proof that was completely ready to go…the 24-hour window failed.

After about 40 hours, I requested a call from Customer Service (you don’t call them, but put in an online request for them to call you) to find out what the problem was.  I am happy to report that they responded within a couple of minutes, but why they responded I couldn’t tell you, because they had absolutely no idea what happened, why it happened, or how to deal with it now.  The Service Rep told me that he’d have to contact someone in “Technical.”  I told him, “Go ahead.”  So he put me on hold, called (supposedly) and then got back to me a couple minutes later with “well, it seems as if no one is there – they don’t pick up, so I left a message.”  End result was that he’d continue to pursue this and would get back to me.

He never did get back to me, but a few hours later we got a “your proof is ready to order” email.  What happened?  We had no idea and never found out.  So, we reveled in our good fortune and ordered the books we needed for Christmas presents, confident that our problems were over.

Hah.

When I ordered my three books, I had no problems.  The way it works – once you approve the proof, you can order books for yourself immediately (it gets posted on the Amazon.com site a day or two later).  You can choose UPS Ground, 2-day, or Next-day service.  Printing takes a few days, but once printed they send you a notice with a tracking number (UPS).  First set of books I ordered I did UPS ground and they came a day earlier than scheduled.  Next time I used UPS 2-day just to see how that worked, and again, it was delivered a day early.

So we get the notice for Mona’s books that said they were printed on Sunday the 11th, and would ship Monday the 12^th.  We asked for (and paid for) 2-day shipping, so we could expect them on Wednesday the 14^th so we could box everything up for gifts and get them out before the final weekend.

I kept checking the UPS tracking online, and every time I did, there was no info.  I said a label had been created, and it was to be shipped on the 12^th, but there was no indication that it had been received by UPS, nor did it show anywhere in the system.  Every day I would check – two, three times – and there was no indication that the package had even arrived at UPS, let alone was on its way to us in time to get here on the 14^th.

And once the 14^th had come and gone, I called CreateSpace (OK, asked them to call me).  I asked the Service Rep what happened, where are the books, when will we get them, do you know they were due here yesterday and what the hell happened?  She was well versed in the “I don’t know a thing but would like to get rid of you ASPS” school of customer service, and proceeded to lie her ass off.

First, she told me that the books had yet to be printed.  Once they were printed, then we would receive notice and a tracking number.  I said we ALREADY received that notice – weren’t the books printed?  Well, no, she said, there was a delay. 

“So why did I get the notice?” I asked.

“You won’t get one until the books are printed.  I told you, they were delayed.”

“But I DID get a notice. That means they were printed.”

“Well there was a delay, so you should get them in a day or two.”

“But there’s no information on the tracking report.   How would I know if they’ve actually been sent?”

“Well, they haven’t been sent – they have yet to print them, and when they do print them you’ll get a notice with tracking information.”

“I ALREADY HAVE THAT NOTICE!  It said they were to be here yesterday.  If they hadn’t even been created yet, let alone shipped, why would you tell me they were shipped and be here on the 14^th when they hadn’t even been printed or shipped?”

“Well, sir, as I stated, there has been a delay…”

And we danced around like that for another five minutes.  She could never explain what happened to the order, why there was no tracking info, whether the books had or had not actually been printed, or what should be done now except “wait a few more days to see if they turn up.” 

I haven’t slammed a received down this hard in years.

Fortunately, Mona called back about an hour later and got a different rep who noticed (a) our books had not arrived in the prescribed time so we were credited for the shipping costs (first rep never said boo about that), (b) she had no idea where that order was but she would make up a new order on the spot and send it out no charge on next-day status so we’d have the books ASAP.

Unfortunately, she never sent us any details about the order (like a tracking number), so we had to hope that she did what she said she was going to do and we’d get the books on Friday or maybe Monday (since UPS doesn’t do weekends).

Sure enough, we got the new shipment on Monday.  We also got the FIRST shipment, too.  No word as to what happened, of course.

So…we are both published paperback writers.  And we have more material for another book. 

More on Mona’s book tomorrow (it’s a delightful romp – the book, that is).

Seasonal Slog

It's beginning to look a lot like...well, y'know.

That’s what we call it; not sure what you call it.  Perhaps you don’t have it.  It’s not really a malaise, or SAD, or even ennui, just a feeling that now, about a couple of weeks before Christmas, things seem…slow.  Really S  L  O  W.  Detached, maybe.

Reasons?  Well, it’s cold.  Snowy and/or stormy.  Even if it’s not cold and snowy, the weather is probably the worst it gets wherever you live.  We have cold, rain, storms…and of course, it gets dark sooner and light later, and the days are as short as they’ll ever be.   And the rain/storms don’t make it any brighter.  No wonder folks get SAD.

People are distracted because of the holidays, and final exams, and a whole bunch of stuff.  We were at Fred Meyer today and Costco yesterday and there are folks there going through the motions, buying groceries and presents and the usual holiday trimmings, but everyone (including us) seemed to be in s-l-o-w motion.  Even the help.  OK, more so than usual – no one moves that fast here on the coast.  That’s just the way it is.

Here in our tourist-town tourist-crowds are Twiggy-thin – things won’t pick up again until spring and the basketball tournaments on the weekends next year.  Some merchants (like us) know it’s a losing game and take their vacation time now.  There are a few still hanging in there, taking whoever comes to town (not many).  I used to joke that we could rename Seaside to “Cannon Beach” in the winter because you could go on the beach and fire a cannon and never hit anyone.  It’s true.  And since locals don’t go downtown to the shops there (they frequent the outlets on the highway just east of the tourist areas), it makes for a very quiet, lonely downtown.

So combine the closed stores and restaurants, the dark, the rain, the cold, the inactivity, the slowness, and you have the “seasonal slog.”  For us, anyway.

We used to think that it was all because of Christmas and the fact that we don’t have kids.  Or grandkids (obviously).  Many say that Christmas is a time for kids, and family, and since we’re just us two, maybe that’s the reason for the glum season.  We do have family, but no one here.  We “finish” Christmas right after Thanksgiving in that we make sure we have everything here so we can ship everything across the Mississippi to friends and relatives in Michigan, Wisconsin, Georgia, and New York.

Even that’s slow this year – we’re waiting on one more thing, but it actually goes out to everyone on our list, and it’s been the biggest Christmas clusterf**k in quite the while.  It deserves its own blogpost and it will have one after the holidays, because if I explained it all now it’ll spoil the surprise.  By that I mean what everyone received, not the surprise we got when this seemingly simple process took on a screwed-up life of its own.  As of this writing, it’s only half here (don’t ask) and the other half is somewhere between South Carolina, us, and the ether.  In other words, both sender and deliverer have no clue whatsoever.  Great.

So we’ll slog along until the big holiday weekend, and do our traditional things (again, just the two of us).  We actually like it that way, as we had plenty of crowded, noisy celebrations with extended families to last us several lifetimes.  Good meal, good company (each other), and then we’ll look forward to the end of the year and the most important holiday of all – CAPITOL ONE BOWL WEEK!

Until then, Happy Holidays.  All of them.

Radio Daze, Part 1

Was it this bad?  No, not initially.

This past week some friends let me join a new group – The WQBR Old Folks Home.  It’s a Facebook group, apropos for this bunch, as it’s a mötley (crüe) collection of former Eastern Michigan University students who used to “…work (or at least hang out) at WQBR Radio…” 

That’s me in spades, as I spent more time there than most.  I was there three times – from 1971 to 1973 (when I dropped out of college entirely), then 78-9 (when I finished my degree…finally), and then again from 1982-4 (when it seemed I just couldn’t get enough of dear old EMU).  Each time I enjoyed my time there, learning (of course) but perhaps more importantly, smoking dope the camaraderie that existed among all the staff.  And of course, all that camaraderie means I have stories to tell.  Here’s the first, and it involves “the couch.”

No, not what happened on it.  We all know that.  Even first semester students got wind of the couch’s “unique characteristics.”  You’d know they knew when you invited them into the office area and asked them to sit, pointing at the couch, and they’d look at you and say, “No thanks, I’m good.”  No, this is about how we got the couch in the first place.  In fact, it’s how we got ALL the initial batch of furniture.

When I came back in 1978, WEMU has just left 129 Quirk for King Hall, leaving the former studios for the newly-christened WQBR (it was WHUR initially).  Some of the offices were taken by broadcasting faculty, leaving the 3 studios for WQBR.  The main studio (with a board as old as Marconi’s mother) remained, the production studio was empty (we wouldn’t get a real production area until 1983 when a new board replaced Marconi’s mom, which moved to production), and the large open “live” studio was to be our office area.

Except we had no furniture at all, except for a very large (awkward) table.  That was it.

Buying furniture was out of the question (we had zero budget).  I asked Admin about getting some desks and chairs from Surplus, and was told that requisitions would take “a while.”  No offer to help (or to speed up the process) was forthcoming, so I called the EMU Physical Plant myself, and found that without a faculty advisor’s signature, there was nothing they could do.  I asked them what type of furniture was available, and they told me that all sorts of things would be on hand, usually.  “In fact, we’re starting to collect a whole bunch of items right now from Downing Hall.”

Oh, really?

There’s an old saying that, as long as you LOOK like you know what you’re doing, no one will question you.  It seemed simple to me – if we followed the standard routine, the Physical Plant would take furniture out of Downing Hall, drag it to the Warehouse, wait for our requisition, then drag it back to Quirk Hall.  Or, we could take a shortcut and eliminate the middle.

So we took a few burly DJs over to Downing (did you laugh there?  I certainly did) and we started picking out furniture.  We found chairs, desks, and the infamous couch out in the halls, properly tagged for surplus…and all for the taking.  Best of all, we were there only about a half-hour, and no one said a word.  Well, that’s not true.  One RA saw what we were doing and said, “Hey, what’s going on?”  I quickly grabbed some papers from my back pocket and replied, “It’s OK, I’ve got paperwork.” He waved us on (couch and all).

By the way, I have NO idea whose inspired creative thinking caused us to grab the couch.  I should tell you that it’s a tradition I continued when I started up KEDM in Monroe, LA (and yes, it was a used couch – tradition!). 

Once we got all of the furniture back to Quirk and set up, it made for a very nice office area.  Certainly the students were pleased, but Admin…well, only once did someone ask me about it, wondering out loud if they really wanted to know how we got it and/or where it came from. 

Probably not.  Especially the couch.

Ask a Stupid Question…

Well, sorta.

You know the rest, I assume.  As a former educator, I know the value in asking questions and seeking knowledge.  However, many tend to perform this task poorly. Like so many things, you get out of it what you put into it, and many folks just can’t form a good question to save themselves.

The reasons I know this and choose to write about it are twofold – it’s the start of our ice cream season (which I’ve written about previously), and Quora.  Let’s discuss Quora first.

I became involved in this question-and-answer “community” after seeing a post from a friend about it.  I was intrigued and he responded to my query about Quora with enough positiveness that I decided to join.  I claimed to be an “expert” in gambling and ice cream, and after a day or two, questions on those topics (sort of) appeared in my in-basket, waiting for my response.  After six weeks of activity, I can assure you that the old “Ask a Stupid Question…” cliché does NOT apply.  Rather, it’s this one:

“There is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people with questions.”

Had I read the answer to this question in Quora, “How is Quora different from Wikipedia?” I might not have been so eager to join.  The first two differences cited (of nine) were:

• Quora is not an encyclopedia, and does not strive for objectivity.
• Quora covers emerging knowledge, for which there are no published references yet.

The first part is certainly true.  Many answers are subjective as hell, and I can assure you that I have never seen a full-blown promotional piece on Wikipedia in describing a person, place, or thing.  On Quora, people feel no shame whatsoever to respond to a question and at the same time promote their book, blog, or other profit-making enterprise (especially true in the gambling questions).

The second part is funny, only because many of the answers seem to be culled from other online sources, including Wikipedia.  I must admit that I’veThere are some answers from true experts like Senator Elizabeth Warren and noted professors, teachers, professionals…and some from pseudo-experts (I fall somewhere in-between).  Then…there are the answers from everyday folk who try to be expert and share their knowledge.  But this isn’t Quora’s downfall.

No, the problem is with the questions.  Seriously, how would anyone, expert or not, answer this:

• How can I become who I really am?
• Is there a way to get Nigel Slater to come to my house and cook for me? If so, how much does he charge to cook for the evening?
• What's this book called?
• Who is the worst person to ever live on this planet?
• Do you play online casino in your browser or on an app on you (sic) phone?
• What were moments in life when one couldn't help but think, "I am so f**ked."?
• What if everyone in the world yelled at the same time?
• How are bad American Chinese buffet desserts different from regular restaurant desserts?
• How do you know how much pulled pork to feed 50 people?
• If I bet $800 on Exacta and won, how much do I actually win?

No, I am not making any of those up.

After a couple of weeks, I started responding to the really bad questions with “Good answers come from good questions.  I need much more information here in order to provide you with a decent answer.  Please try again.”  That worked once.  I also started to get fewer requests and hardly anyone upvoted my answers.  No surprise and little disappointment (from me).

I should have known better, of course.  At the ice cream parlor, this Q&A is all-too typical:

Customer: “How do you make your ice cream?”

Me:  “Well, we use a 20-gallon batch freeze…”

Customer:  “No, I mean, what’s in your ice cream?”

Me: “It’s a typical mix of cream, sugar, milk solids, egg yo…”

Customer:  “No, what I mean is do you have any sugar free ice cream?”

Now, why in the world didn’t they just ask THAT?  I have no idea.  I supposed I should ask someone.  Maybe on Quora.

By the way, there is no such thing as sugar-free ice cream.  If it’s ice cream, it has milk; if it has milk, it has lactose.  Lactose is a milk SUGAR.  There is no sugar added to the mix (which is why they call it “no-sugar-added ice cream”), but it is NOT free of sugar.

Is Rubio Adelson’s Obi-Won?

Yeah, Rubio is more of a robot, but Wynn's skin color is almost that of C-3PO's, so it works.

A long time ago in a casino far, far away lived a man who more closely resembled Jabba the Hutt than Luke Skywalker in both decorum and deed.  Sheldon Adelson considered himself the Force to be reckoned with when it came to gambling,  It was his contention that gambling was to be done in the flesh, with live dealers and real chips, rather than some pixeled reality where cards and transactions occurred in space.

So to combat the newly-invigorated states’ right to offer poker (and other games of chance) via the Internet, Adelson enlisted a vast crew of former politicians and Presidential wanna-bes, all strident and striding forward to spread the gospel of Sheldon for a chance to be handsomely rewarded from the endless coffers of their lord and master.  He’d spend “whatever it takes,” and many were ready for the taking to being in earnest.

There was George Pataki, and Lindsey Graham, and Mike Huckabee, all three who attempted a run for the highest office in the land, only to crash and burn not for the lack of cash, but rather, public support.  Adelson’s Achilles heel was to be the same, or so it seemed.  Despite the creation of a broad-based Coalition (which only had one broad – Blanche Lincoln), two attempts at a misnamed legislative effort to turn back the clock to outlaw online gaming, and seven lobbying firms, there was little enthusiasm for such a move.

And what enthusiasm there was, was waning.  In Congress, fewer bill co-sponsors in 2015 than in 2014.  Ditto for State Attorneys General “signing on” to a support letter.  Congressional hearings hosted by Jason “Guard Dog” Chaffetz went from bad to worse, so much so that even Jason didn’t stick around to the end to see how it all came out.  The Coalition dutifully made a presence online (again, the irony) every month from its inception in November 2013 until July of last year, and then, only a couple of blurbs since, and nothing at all for the last 90 days.  And in the arena of social media, the Coalition hasn’t posted since January 12.  Even more pathetic:  despite more than 15,000 followers, posts get fewer than a half-dozen likes and the only comments left are from the Counteract group.  Lexi the Samoyed’s Facebook page has a better fan base (and cuter videos, too).

Face it – most of the rest of the world was of an opinion that the Internet was a real thing, catching on, and that most forms of commerce could in fact be conducted safely and efficiently online.  Yes, it was ironic that this same technology embraced by the rest of the thinking world was the very same technology used at Adelson’s own casinos to propagate his sports betting services.  But Adelson’s ignorance of this irony allowed him to set aside the notion that this technology was the exact same thing as that technology just as a water bottle is the same thing as a smart phone.  So there.

Still, his vision was at the same place it had been two years prior.  It’s just that no one else can see it, and put it into place.  But he still has hope.  He’s purchased a Death Star newspaper in his home town of Las Vegas, with the intent of “following the news” rather than making it*.  He’s pal-ing around with NFL folks with the idea of using his untold riches** to build a football stadium to lure the Oakland Raiders to Las Vegas.  He still has his billions.

And there’s one more Jedi-Knight that Adelson can call for help.  Marco Rubio is that last hope, a Jedi-knight-like Senator (in that he can make himself disappear, especially in the Senate when there’s an important vote) that can take Adelson’s warning of online doom and make it a legislative reality.  Despite having made comments earlier that he’d be OK with an online poker carve-out, Adelson’s newspaper gave Rubio their endorsement.  More irony – the poker carve-out was in an interview with a reporter from Sheldon’s newspaper, although it wasn’t his newspaper then.  We think.

To no one’s surprise, less than a week after the endorsement Marco was a good little soldier and addressed the concerns of South Carolina citizens’ concerns by parroting Sheldon’s pathos, stating, “…what I don’t want to see is internet casinos…”  Granted, this wouldn’t be the first time a politician spoke from both sides of his mouth.  It’s obvious Rubio has this science perfected, as he later added that “…he wanted responsible regulation of online gambling instead of what he described as the ‘Wild West’ approach of letting states pass their own laws.”  Apparently he has taken the Adelson perspective that prohibition is somehow regulation.  And up is down.

The Nevada caucuses are about a week away (February 23), just after the South Carolina primary (Adelson doesn’t own a newspaper here).  Rubio is a distant third in Nevada polls and third or fourth in SC (again, distant.  Almost far, far away).  If Adelson can’t get his new Force to Awaken, he might have to deal with the “Orange Menace***” a former casino owner in his own right. 

That would certainly be an attack of the clowns.

* Who am I kidding?  He tried to influence editorial content even before people knew he bought the damned paper. 

** Seriously, who am I kidding?  He wants government money to pay for most of the stadium’s construction. 

*** A cross between the personality of Jar Jar Binks and the hair of Chewbacca.

The Silence of the Sheldon

I have to admit, as the unofficial guy who watches Sheldon Adelson’s anti-online-gambling crusade online, I am a bit bored.  I regularly monitor (and troll) his online activities, and recently, there hasn’t been anything happening of note.  Actually, nothing of non-note, too.  Just nothing.

His Coalition to Stop Online Gambling website hasn’t posted anything new since mid-November, when Nevada AG Laxalt came out in support of his ill-fated RAWA bill in the House.  The CSIG Facebook page hasn’t posted anything since January 12, and they were very regular before that.  Granted, much of what they’ve posted since November has been rehashed trash that’s been roundly rejected and proven false.  But even this gets few likes and the only comments to be found are mine and fellow trolls of the Coalition to Counteract the CSIG.

How can we counteract bupkis?

Like a parent with young children, silence tends to make me worry.  In the past, when I didn’t see any signs of life on the sites, and things were this quiet, it was only a matter of time before Sheldon & Company sprang forth with a new co-sponsor, or a new survey, or something that showed that his “whatever it takes” mantra was back on the firing line. 

But now?  Perhaps being 0-for-2 with his insipid RAWA, getting less support each year, means that’s he’s re-thinking the battle.

Or maybe he’s just busy with everything else in his life.  He’s got his eye on Rubio the Republican Primary (another area his batting average is 0-for).  You all know he bought (another) newspaper.  But he’s also…

• Trying to educate/pressure the LVRJ’s Editorial Board to reconsider their stance on medical marijuana in Nevada.
• Flying Republicans not running for President (this year, anyway) to Israel.
• His Bethlehem Sands casino in Pennsylvania got fined (again) for underage gaming, so perhaps he’s “thinking of the children!”
• His newspaper in Israel is busy calling for assassination of Swedish officials.
• His casinos aren’t doing all that well – LVS Corp is off 33% from a year ago, and it’s lost HALF its value since 2014.  Boo-frickin’-hoo.
• And he’s got some legal problems.  Here, here, and here.

So yeah, maybe he’s too busy to worry about the potential for Pennsylvania, New York, Massachusetts, California, and other states to legalize online gaming.  He’s certainly said nothing about Daily Fantasy Sports, an area I thought certain he’d weigh in on just because (a) its potential to take $$$ away from land-based gaming, and (b) DFS’s legality (as a gambling concerned) has been challenged in several states.  Plus (and this is the big one for me), DFS attracts TONS of young-adults aged 12-17 (perhaps 20% of the total in standard Fantasy Leagues) and for someone concerned “about the children” this seems like it should be an area of concern for him and his coalition.  But nothing said.  Just [crickets].

So where is Sheldon, and what’s he up to?

I do have one theory.  Years ago, on vacation in Las Vegas, we stopped by the Venetian (for the gelato) and saw a man doing the “Human Statue” thing.  He stands silent and motionless for quite some time (almost a half-hour), then at the end his assistant comes out to scoop up the tips and they leave, breaking the spell.

Look closely – it kinda looks like Sheldon, and the jester could be Andy Abboud*.  Works for me.  Unless I hear something from him or CSIG soon, I'll have to assume this is how he’s making up for Macau’s revenue drop.

* the jester could also be Marco Rubio, since he’s never in the Senate for votes.