Is EVERYTHING Joe’s Fault? (No)

It's OK to look, Joe.

I read a headline earlier this week that said President Biden’s approval rating had taken a nosedive, citing two reasons – the current situation in Afghanistan, and the ongoing COVID crisis.  I found this amusing and insulting, for a couple of reasons.

First off, both of these problems are inherited problems.  The war in Afghanistan goes back twenty years, through FOUR administrations:

• Bush, who started it all,
• Obama, who actually accomplished one of the goals by eliminating Osama Bin Laden, and
• Trump, who, like everything else he touched, fucked it up.

It was Trump who set the deadline for troop withdrawal there.  It was Trump who cut a billion dollars of aid there.  It was Trump who released all those Taliban prisoners.  It was Trump who invited the Taliban to Camp David for talks ON 9-11!  And it was Trump who explained all of this and Pompeo’s mystery trip there this summer to the new administration when they handed over the keys to the White House in all of those transitioning meetings they held.

I kid…there was no transition, and Trump left Biden in the dark on this and everything else.  He fucked it up (on purpose?) and Biden was left holding the bag.

But Joe gets the blame because it happened on his watch (despite the timetable being set by Trump).

And COVID is the same thing, of course, except Bush and Obama are blameless.  Despite Biden’s call for every American to be vaccinated and his administration's continued reminders for people to take precautions and practice measures like masking up and social distancing, the virus rages on.

But…even though some vaccinated individuals who swear they wore masks all the time are catching the disease, it’s mostly an unvaccinated issue.  Those areas that have low vaccination rates are the ones experiencing the highest COVID-positive rates.  And the highest serious illness/hospitalization rates.  And the highest death rates.

And to no one’s surprise, these same areas are red states or red counties in blue states.  And it’s governors of red states (DeSantis, Abbott, Hutchinson) who rule our mask mandates and are putting their citizens at much higher risk.  They are literally killing their own citizens.

But Joe gets the blame because it happened on his watch (despite EVERYTHING conservatives and Fox News has done to thwart everything he’s accomplished).

That’s not the most galling thing about the Blame Joe movement.  With both the Afghanistan pullout and the battle to contain COVID, there’s been plenty of blame thrown around.  Much of that blame for Afghanistan comes from warhawks like Rice, Bolton, and Cheney – folks who got us into this mess in the first place.  And the hawking media has been piling it on, too, conveniently forgetting all that’s happened in and to Afghanistan before 2021.

And COVID…can you imagine what people might have said if Trump were President and there was a dramatic spike in COVID cases?  Yeah, HE actually said that.  As if no one could imagine it.  Because we don’t have to imagine it.  It happened.

But it’s not who is blaming Joe that’s the problem.  The problem is – that’s ALL they’re doing.  Blaming.

Not offering alternatives.  Not explaining what THEY’D do in the same situation.

To my knowledge, no one has offered any sort of alternative solution to either Afghanistan or COVID; just blame.  There could be a good reason for this – there IS no alternative solution.  Certainly Bush, Obama, nor Trump pulled the level to end what in pretty much everyone’s opinion was (another) failed operation in the Middle East.  And certainly bleach, ultra-violet light, and ignoring the problem wasn’t the solution for COVID.

In fact, COVID’s problems are so entrenched that one possible idea that I thought might make a difference is not only off the table, but it illustrated just what Biden is up against.  Months ago, it was suggested that Donald Trump make PSAs suggesting that his fanbase get the poke.  All the other living Presidents have been very vocal about being vaccinated and even though Trump did his in secret, he’s made a couple of off-handed comments about getting the shot.  Many thought that if he made a sincere effort to reach out to his supporters, it might make a difference.

Last night, in Alabama, he kinda did just that.  During his 90-minute rant of greatest hits (complaints), he mentioned that it was a good idea and that people should get vaccinated against the virus.

And he was booed loudly.  He quickly backtracked, and never mentioned it again.

So yeah, scrap that idea.  Ain’t NOBODY gonna change the minds of those spreadnecks.  But blame Biden.  Sure.

Joe Biden is doing the best he can, and it seems half of this country is making him do it with one hand tied behind his back and blaming him for damn near everything that goes wrong.

At least they’re not blaming him for rising gas prices.  Oh, wait.

People Like Us are Not Exactly Like Us

They're not ALL like this, but enough are

I spent several hours the last few days arguing about vaccines and masks and the whole COVID thing online, and before you say, “Well, Jeebus…what a waste of time and energy,” let me say a couple of things.

First, you’re right.  I knew well in advance that I would change exactly ZERO hearts and minds.  Nothing was altered, no one was moved, no animals were harmed in the making of my posts.  But it’s like potato chips; you can’t just stop at one, and once I’m engaged with a poster, the gloves are off.

Secondly, despite the accusations that I am a bully and I want to FORCE people to mask up and get vaccinated, the truth is that I don’t.  Sure, I think that any rational and sane individual should get vaccinated, if at all possible, the sooner the better.  Yes, everyone, vaccinated or not, should wear a mask as recommended by the CDC and in some cases mandated by either local government and/or private businesses.  But FORCE someone to do that?  I’m actually kinda libertarian in that respect (don’t tell my friends).

Of course, if you suffer the consequences for your foolish actions, don’t look to me or the government to bail your silly ass out.

But the real reason I spent so much time online arguing was that I cannot stand people who LIE about what’s happening with this virus.  Check that; I can’t stand people who LIE about anything.  But it’s particularly galling to see the flow coming from an eruption from Bullshit Mountain regarding mask effectiveness, vaccine effectiveness, etc., etc.  I try to counter with facts, truth, links, and what do I get for my efforts?

More bullshit.

I can tell you confidently that NO, Bill Gates has NOT been arrested (yet), and NO, the majority of doctors and nurses HAVE been vaccinated (the last thing I read reported doctors at 97%, and that was a while back).  But I was equally confident in thinking another claim was bogus, though I had nothing but my own experience to explain why, so I didn’t respond.  But that’s the subject of today’s post.

Amid all the BS and nonsense (and the responses who tried, like me, to inject some reality into the discussion), one poster bragged that “No one I know has contracted the disease, and no one I know has been vaxxed, and no one wears a mask, either.”  I merely responded “Well, in that case, good luck,” and let it go, but let me explain why I think she was in error.

I learned long ago (before marketing research), that everyone is different, but we tend to think that people like us are like us about damn near everything.  We tend to hang around with people who think like us, dress like us, eat the types of food we do, believe what we believe, and so on.  Up to a point.  We may agree about a lot of things, but…except for identical twins, no two people are exactly alike.  Everyone has some idiosyncrasy that makes them just a wee bit distinct from everyone else.

Now, it’s certainly possible that the poster does not know anyone who has had COVID.  We’re a small county, population 53,000 and change, with a total as of today of 2,182 cases – just 4% of the population.  If everyone they know lives around here, then yeah, chances are slight they know anyone with COVID.  Truth is, I only know of four who have had the disease, and none of them live in this county, or in Oregon for that matter.  Of those four, two are dead, so those percentages aren’t so good.

As far as no one she knows being vaccinated, that’s also possible – as a county, we’re still batting under .500 despite the total percentage in Oregon being just under 70%.  Possible, but…I know for a fact that not everyone “brags about it” either online or in-person for that matter.  I only found out about a neighbor being vaccinated by luck.  He’s conservative, so I assumed he’d be resistant to getting the poke, and he’s not one to talk much about anything, let alone anything personal, but I happened to run into him at the grocery store as he was coming out of the pharmacy, and he admitted he was there to get his second shot.  So, she could have friends like that, too.

And as for everyone not wearing a mask…many businesses have been following the CDC guidelines, saying that vaccinated shoppers are welcome to come in without a mask, but non-vaxxed folks should mask up.  So not sure where her friends are shopping, and now many of those businesses are revising their mask policies to require everyone, vaccinated or not, to wear a mask, so…

Yeah, it’s probably bullshit.

But that’s not why I think she’s probably wrong.  Like I said earlier, it’s because we always assume that everyone’s just like us.  Exactly like us.  And that’s a fallacy that I love to expose by telling this story…

It was damn near 30 years ago when I was general manager of a brand-new public radio station in Monroe, LA, an area that was (back then) one of the largest parts of the country without such a station.  We set up the “standard three-legged stool” of programming – NPR news in drive-time, classical during the day, and jazz and eclectic programming on nights and weekends.  Folks were happy to have us on the air, but of course, newshounds wanted more news, jazz fiends wanted more jazz programs, and of course, the classical crowd wanted more classical music, especially at night.  Still, most everyone was glad we finally made it on-air after a lengthy fundraising campaign and construction on the university’s campus (and on their dime, too).

We’d been on the air for about six months, so the honeymoon was about to be over.  Still, on this night I was basking in some leftover triumphs as I attended the first concert of the Monroe Symphony Orchestra’s 1991-2 season.  After the performance, I met many of the symphony supporters at the reception where in no uncertain terms everyone told me that everyone wanted more classical music, and all their friends and neighbors and everyone else they knew felt that way, too.  At one point, several surrounded me, voices rising as one…

“And we want more classical music, especially at night!”

“YEAH!”

“And get rid of that jazz and new age crap.”

“YEAH!”

“And play more opera!”

“Yeah…maybe….”

“And get rid of that darn Car Talk program!”

“HEY – I LIKE CLICK & CLACK.  They’re a hoot!”

And just that like, a donnybrook ensued.  The circle suddenly opened like the Dead Sea for Moses, although I didn’t escape right away.  I moved to the side to watch, amused, as bosom buddies and best mates suddenly pointed fingers not at me but at each other over Mountain Stage and Fresh Air and “maybe we’ve got enough opera in the Metropolitan Opera and we could use more from the baroque period…” and “I don’t see why we have to turn down our noses at 20^th Century composers; after all…” and so on.  After a few minutes, no one noticed I had quietly left the building.

 

OK, it wasn’t all that quiet.  I laughed loud and long.

 

 

Glad, Sad and Mad About COVID

I considered writing about COVID almost a month ago.  At that time, I noticed a slight uptick in cases, and more chatter about the Delta variant.  I held off because:

• I wasn’t sure if this was a temporary “don’t worry about it” thing or a new crisis developing, and
• No one would change their behavior, no matter what I or anyone else said.

Well, for certain, it’s a thing.  Cases are skyrocketing, and it’s so serious that even Wall Street noticed, and Hannity changed his tune a little.  Just a little.

But the second reason remains.

Sure, some places might reinstate mandatory mask requirements.  It’s still in force at local clinics and hospitals, but c’mon – what do medical professionals know about viruses, anyway?

Yes, that’s sarcasm.  This is the real reason I debated so long about saying anything about COVID.  My mood changes constantly.  I am conflicted.  Let me explain.

We’re vaccinated.  It’s clear to us that, whatever else you can say about the virus, the vaccines are doing what they’re supposed to do.  Not eliminate the risk, but reduce the risk of both catching the virus, and suffering from it.  I’ve oft said that Americans are horrible about calculating risk (this is good for those of us who play poker – more money!).  For whatever reason, people got it into their heads that the vaccines would totally eliminate the risk.  Not so.  Never was like that.  But I think people think that it does because people think that it SHOULD.  They make the same mistake about masks – masks help reduce the risk, not eliminate it.

For the last two months, death from COVID is almost exclusively a “non-vaxxed” event.  More than 99% of hospitalizations and deaths occurred in non-vaccinated patients.  For those who complain that the vaccines were never “tested,” I say – here’s your test result. 

And while I can’t put a finger on statistics, it’s evident that non-vaxxed areas (read: conservative and voted for Trump) are getting hit harder with COVID cases now than those areas where vaccination rates are higher.

Yes, some vaccinated people are testing positive.  That was to be expected.  Again, one vaccinated to REDUCE risk, not eliminate it.  Just don’t expect them to be hospitalized, though again, there is a slight risk of that, and of death.  But far, far, far, far less risk than no being vaccinated.  Of course, there are other steps that one can take to reduce the risk – wear a mask, stay socially distanced, etc., etc., etc.

Fat chance of that shit now.  Everyone is opening up.  Crowds are back at games, concerts, you-name-it.  No one wants mask mandates again.  It seems reasonable that the answer now is the answer we had way back when the former guy was President – vaccinate!

Remember when they touted the virus and Operation Warp Speed – get it to the people, STAT!  Lok what they were saying back then:
“I’ve been a big proponent of releasing it early. I think that we’ve had enough safety and effectiveness data.”   Another person encouraged by the rapid production of the vaccines praised the “brilliant” way in which Project Warp Speed had made vaccines available so quickly.

The first speaker?  Senator Ron Johnson.  The second?  Senator Rand Paul.

They ain’t singing that tune now.  What happened?

Joe Biden became President.

C’mon, we’ve seen this before.

When Bush was in office and tanked the economy near the end of his term, few Americans gave the administration good marks for the effort, and those few were largely Republicans.  When Obama took over and things got better, some perceived the economy as doing better…but not Republicans.  Oh, no…things didn’t turn around at all until 2017 WHEN THEIR GUY WAS BACK IN OFFICE, AND OMG JUST LOOK AT THE ECONOMY NOW (except nothing had changed except who was President).  And you know damn well they’ll do it again now that Biden is in charge (inflation, gas prices, the deficit, etc., etc., etc).  We know they will because…they did it when Clinton took over for Bush Sr. and reversed their silly asses again when Dubya took over for Clinton.

So when Trump says it would be different if he was President, he has a point, though not the one he was trying to make.  I do not doubt that more Republicans would get the jab if he was still there (typing that was hard; gave me the creeps).  But it’s still the same vaccine – and if you want to give him whatever credit for its development, fine (I don’t), but…what’s changed with the vaccine?  We know its effectiveness.  It’s now readily available (which wasn’t the case when you-know-who was running the place). So…what’s the prob?

As I said, I am conflicted.

This has gone on for so long now that folks are frustrated.  I get that.  Many who are vaxxed have taken the “fine, let ‘em die” position, and I fall into that camp, mostly.  Sometimes my anger boils over into sarcasm, making fun of those who willingly refuse to take a potentially life-saving drug (or wear a mask or take other precautions).  You brought it on yourself, asshole!

But then, I worry, because the fact is that the longer this shit continues, the more likely there will be new and different strains and variants of COVID, some that may be more contagious and/or deadly than what we have now.

That makes me sad, and mad.

But I honestly don’t know what to do about it, except talk about it. 

But it seems no one is listening.

Thanks for listening.

Waiting…

I could never be these guys, always waiting...

I’ve never been a patient person.  I hate waiting.  Always have, although I was not born premature.  I think that was the last time I waiting until I was supposed to.

This edginess of mine drives my wife nuts, as she is a very methodical person, patient to a fault.  She would rather wait until everything is exactly right and in place before moving ahead; I’m comfortable with charging on if we’re 80-90% complete, or sure of what we’re doing, confident that I can repair/fix/change whatever isn’t right as we go along.  The old joke I used to tell when we ran the ice cream parlor is that if Mona had her way, waiting until everything was “just right,” we’d be holding our grand opening in two weeks.  And I told this joke well into our second decade of business.  And it was still funny, because it’s true.

Anyway, I’m “on hold” now because of the heat.  If you live in the western US, you know that Oregon is under this “heat dome” where we’re getting Las Vegas temperatures without the glamorous shows nor the buffets.  It was 110° in Warren yesterday (hotter in Portland, of course), and we’re expecting 115° today.  Hell, it was 95° in Seaside on the coast on Sunday, and it NEVER gets hot out there because of the cool breezes blowing off the Pacific.  We used to laugh at the tourists who would come out to the coast to cool off when temps hit 90° or above in Portland; dressed in flip-flops, tank-tops, and short-shorts, they’d walk around with their arms wrapped around themselves trying to keep warm, wondering “WTH is going on?”  It was the only time I regretted selling ice cream and not owning the sweatshirt shop down the street.

Anyway, I’m waiting to do all my outdoor projects until the heat dies down (in a day or two, promise!), and frankly, it’s not as tough as all that.  I think this is because I’ve been “waiting” on a lot of things lately…

I’m waiting for Oregon to reopen due to COVID.  It’s supposed to happen either (a) when we reach that magical 70% vaccinated threshold, or on June 30^th, whichever comes first.  It’ll be June 30^th, because while we’re close, we have plenty of “my body, my choice (this time)” people who would not get the vaccine if you paid them, and yes, we tried that.  Here in Columbia County, we’re at a paltry 42% it’s better in the zip code where we live, thank you); an island surrounded by both metro counties and coastal communities in the 50s and 60s.  At least we’re not Malheur County (28%) nor the 97712 zip code in Deschutes County (a whopping 9.3%).  Jeebus.

I’m waiting for the Democrats to do something good again.  Sure, Biden started like a house afire, but how could he not, reversing many of the Executive Orders of the Previous Guy and pushing through a stimulus package that gave some average Americans (for once) some relief.  But voting rights, infrastructure, etc., etc.; that “progressive package” we’ve all known and loved and waited for for so long is at a standstill.  It’s not the heat; but something that burns even hotter – Mitch McConnel and his GOP stonewallers, reminding us that only one party is allowed to skip the bipartisan gambit and push ahead with whatever-in-hell they want (pretty sure it’s in the Constitution).  And the press helps them with this bullshit, but that’s another story.

Speaking of bullshit, I’m waiting for more arrests in the January 6^th insurrection, and I don’t mean just the folks who went inside.  Rounding up the organizers would be a nice touch, don’t you think?  You don’t think it was organized?  They had T-shirts printed up with the date and the event.  In advance.

And speaking of arrests, it’s now being said that criminal charges may be filed THIS WEEK against the Trump Organization.  According to the Manhattan D.A.’s office, it’s related to tax-related conduct, more specifically, “…possibly extensive and protracted criminal conduct" at the Trump Organization, including tax and insurance fraud and falsification of business records.  Remember when Trump bragged about not paying taxes?  “That makes me smart,” he said, smirkingly.  It’s well past time to wipe that smirk from his face.  The rest of the family, too, as well as Roger Stone, et al.

And finally, I’m waiting for stuff in the garden to ripen.  That’s an annual event, of course, but this year it takes on a bit more trepidation.  It’s the first year for all of our berry bushes to bear fruit, and so far, it’s a gusher.  Two pints of Loganberries so far; another two pints of Olallieberries today, and the Marionberries…another couple of weeks, but we have twice as many plants, so we’ll be rolling in them.  I hope.  We’ve harvested a ton of lettuce, bunches of carrots (more to go), radishes, and three pints of peas with the other half of the bed ready by the end of the week.  Still to mature - two kinds of apples, some pears, corn, green beans, acorn squash, butternut squash, cukes, melons, pepper, and of course, zucchini (we planted half the crop we did last year just so we wouldn’t have them coming out of our ears).  On the other hand, we planted MORE tomatoes because you cannot have too many tomatoes.

Oh, and I’m waiting for a new freezer to put it all in. 

When’s it coming? 

In two weeks.  Seriously.

I can’t wait.

Details, details, (lack of) details

Before we begin, it’s worth noting that this blog is almost 10 years old, or, in other words, it’s lasted almost 10 years longer than Donald Trump’s blog (which was shut down yesterday).

Now, I can’t begin to tell you if I’ve sputtered more nonsense in my 10 years than he has in the last, oh, 6 weeks or so, but I doubt it.  If you somehow missed the latest, the “rumor” is that Donnie the terrible expects to be reinstated sometime in August.

Yeah, reinstated.  As President.  Of these United States.

Republicans, marching in the same direction

Before you go running to your local constitutional scholar to see just how this might play out (hint – it doesn’t; that’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works), consider playing this fun game:  next time you see a Trumpkin post malarkey like this, ASK THEM.  Ask them, exactly, where in the US Constitution it says that a candidate who lost due to “fraud” (be sure to include the quotation marks) gets to be reinstated once the “fraud” is “proven” in “court.”  Ask them what proof is needed, which court decides, etc., etc.  Ask for lots of details.

You won’t get any, of course.

Conservatives have been horrible of late in providing details for…well, actually, for damn near anything.  They make claims, they make statements, and something is missing.  Details.

For example, many Republican-controlled legislatures are passing outrageous “voter protection” bills that do nothing of the kind.  What they actually do is make it very hard (for some people) to vote.  The GOPers say it’s to stop fraud at the polls, but when you ask them exactly how much fraud occurred in 2020, they mumble and stutter and then point to the lack of confidence the “voting public” (their side) has in the results (because of all the lies they told their side about why they lost). 

“Critical Race Theory” is being debated in many states by all the conservatives, but…do they even know what that means?  When I ask that question on the social medias, I get:

• “I ain’t doing your homework,”
• “Google it,”
• “It’s just another bad liberal idea, like all of them,” and
• [crickets].

(For a good overview, see here; for an interesting analysis, go here.)

Side note – this reminds me of a pro-Biden post I commented on last week, where a Trumpkin posted “This story is factually inaccurate and wrong.”  I asked what, specifically, was inaccurate and got a Sarah Palin-like response:  “All of it.”

You see, if Neo-Con-jobs would actually pay attention to the details, they might actually be able to think about the things they’re saying and the claims they’re making and realize it can be one way or the other way, but it can’t be both.

One example is the January 6^th insurrection.  More than 70% of Republicans say Antifa and/or was responsible, yet, also, too, more than 70% say there should NOT be an investigation and we should move on.  Wouldn’t they WANT to have PROOF that the nasty Antifa crowd should be answerable for all that death and damage?  And yet…

How about this one?  Fans of the Orange Blob want Trump to get credit for rushing the COVID vaccines through, but…they also say, ”I won’t take the vaccine because it was rushed.”

Oh, by the way, they STILL think Obama was born in Kenya.  Still.

And don’t forget that “Unemployment benefits are too generous” and simultaneously “The economy is overheating so much that inflation is going to kill us all.”

I mean, sure, it makes your head hurt, but all of this bullshit does affect our social discourse.  How can you reason with people who blurt out any string of words whether there’s any truth to them or not?  How can you possibly negotiate with anyone like that?

I know Joe means well, but as he would say: “C’mon, man.”

Times a wastin’ – let’s move forward without the bastards.

It’s About Time (I changed the title of this blog)

Not quite ten years ago, I started this blog for a variety of reasons.  Since then, a lot has changed, including the reasons for continuing to write and what I write about.  Actually, just about everything has changed except the title.  I’ve been wanting to do that, too, but couldn’t think of a title that stuck with me, reflected exactly what I wanted to be all about.  And then it hit me.

I’ve been reading American Lighting, about the bombing of the LA Times Building back in 1910 and the intersection of three prominent Americans – Billy Burns, the famous detective who “cracked the case;” Clarence Darrow, who defended the labor-leader perpetrators; and D. W. Griffith, the famous director, who had absolutely nothing to do with these events but somehow author Howard Blum wove him into the narrative.  As a history, it’s a bit clunky, but Blum mostly pulls it off.

But briefly mentioned in the text (he had more to do with the story than Griffith) is E. W. Scripps, and the reference to him as “The Old Crank.”  Turns out that’s not quite right – it’s DAMNED OLD CRANK, which was also the title of his autobiography.  I knew about Scripps, of course – started the Detroit News and later a chain of newspapers, then created UPI, etc., etc.  Ohio University’s School of Journalism is named after him.  At some point, I’ll have to find a copy of the bio and read more about the man, if nothing more than to find out what made him tick other than his prolific consumption of cigars and whiskey – he was reported to drink about a gallon a day.

So why use Damned Old Crank for the title of this blog?  Is that a reference to the great journalism I hope to accomplish here?  A tip o’ the hat to Scripp’s moxie and drive?

Nah.  It’s just that I not only consider myself a Damned Old Crank, but others do, too.

My Sister-in-Law’s nickname for me is “Mr. Bombastic.”  I can get like that, for sure.  My wife says that as I’ve aged I’ve gotten crankier – she blames the fact that our social skills have been dulled for the last 15 months due to COVID, while I think I come off that was because my voice is going (I now speak in a raspy old-man growl due to throat irritation mixed with actually being irritated by other people).

The old “Wanna Bet” title partly reflected the original purpose of the blog (to talk about gambling) and a personal attitude.  Back in the day, that was my Dad’s rejoinder (and mine) to a challenge or a claim that something we uttered was incorrect.  “Wanna Bet?” Dad would bellow, and I adopted the same phrase and defiant position.  Later in life, when Mona and I faced one hurdle after another, we’d respond a bit differently (though still defiant): “Oh, yeah?  Well, fuck you!”  No, seriously.  It was like a precursor to the “Hold my beer” prompt, and it became our rallying cry when faced with whatever challenge life threw our way.

Now that we’re retired, the challenges are fewer (though no less daunting), and while, “Oh yeah, well fuck you” sounds like a great blog title to ME, I kept thinking I could do a bit better (and come off less crass).  So Damned Old Crank it is.

Your comments and sass are welcome, and no, I don’t plan to change the picture just yet even though it’s 25 years old, because it’s STILL the biggest check I’ve ever received from writing (both figurative and literally).  Maybe someday once I’ve lost as much hair as Scripps, but not now.

485 Verbal

No, do not buy this.

I just finished the book “The Stepmother” and have two issues, which leads to two different complaints.  As noted, I am not the guy one thinks about when one thinks of “literary criticism.”  The “485 Verbal” of the title refers to my old SAT scores (barely above the minimum).  I have no real excuse except that I spent too much time on the match portion (685 score) and that just totally dogged it (pretty sure my PSAT was a lot better, but I don’t remember).  My wife and I laugh about SAT scores now because we both denied reality and obtained degrees and professions NOT in our strong suits.  I studied Communications and went into radio, while she took up accounting and became a CPA despite a low SAT score in Math (her Verbal score was 700-something).

But I digress…

Before I discuss my issues with “The Stepmother,” a brief plot summary:  Poor single mom acts as a personal trainer to a rich millionaire who falls in love with her and asks her to marry him.  She accepts, which pisses off his three adult kids (who are true leeches on the family fortune).  There is a threat to her life, but she survives and marries him, and then shortly after, HE dies in an accident which looks like was targeted for her, but instead, she winds up charged for the crime.  The rest of the book is about how she tries to figure out who really did it with the help of a friendly cop (who she falls in love with) and her attorney.  There are a couple of plot twists, but nothing too complicated and it gets predictable near the end.  That’s not my issue, although it didn’t help my “enjoyment” of the novel.

No, what grinds my gears is (a), horrible grammatical mistakes, and (b) the tendency to tell, not show, which is a cardinal sin in writing.

Now explaining the concept of “show, don’t tell” to a non-writer/reader is akin to explaining critical race theory to a Republican.  Even though we call it storytelling, one should SHOW the action, not TELL about it. 

Is Mary angry?  How angry?  Don’t tell us she’s very angry – show us?  Did she grimace?  Bite her lip?  Snarl?  Slam her hand against the window?  Throw a pot at someone?  SHOW us.  In this book, there was far too much telling when it would have been easy to show (the plot practically begs for it).  I noticed it pretty quickly and went back to read the critical reviews online, and I wish I had done so before buying the book (fortunately it was a used book, dirt cheap, but still).

And then, once you’ve shown us, don’t try to tell us what you’ve shown.  More than once, there was a line like, “Dammit,” she snapped angrily.  The “angrily” is superfluous; how else does one snap the word “Dammit?”  How about, “Dammit,” she snapped lustfully?  “Dammit,” she snapped gaily?  Nah.  It makes one wonder if the novel was edited or proofed.

Even more evidence of a lack of editing or proofing was the grammatical errors.  Desert instead of dessert (three times!), breath instead of breathe, not rather than now, draws instead of drawers, and other faux pas. Every time I came across one, I snapped, “DAMMIT,” and angrily, too.

I did so because “The Stepmother” isn’t a one-off.  It’s one of SEVEN books by this author, all with similar dreadful titles (The Babysitter, The Trophy Wife, The Daughter-in-Law, etc).  Oh, wait, there’s more – Diana Diamond is a pseudonym for New York Times best-selling author William P. Kennedy.  In other words, he should know better.

It’s also not a one-off because it’s an indictment of just how stupid we’re becoming.  This book got decent reviews.  It’s apparent to me that many readers never noticed the errors or the “telling, not showing” problems.  This is why there are lots of Facebook pages like “America's Cultural Decline Into Idiocy (ACDII)” with sign errors or other examples of our mental decline, and they never seem to run out of examples, do they?  That’s one of my complaints.

And “The Stepmother” isn’t the first book I’ve read with all these flaws.  Last month I finished “Mr. Churchill’s Secretary,” which again had an exciting-sounding plot but suffered from poor (OK, shitty) execution.  If you read the reviews you see many were hoodwinked into thinking this was a great read (enough so that the author has ground out 10 similar novels in a short time), but if you read the critical ones, you’d know better than to waste your hard-earned money.

The other complaint is more personal – how does this crap get published, while I can’t get anyone interested in any of my works?  The first novel was rejected 128 times, and only one agent/publisher asked for the entire manuscript (and then rejected it, but rightly so – eventually I will make corrections and try again).  More rejections were perfunctory; “…regrettably, your project is not a right fit for our agency,” “…it is not the type of book I am considering at this time,” “however, this project doesn’t sound right for me,” etc.  Novel #2 isn’t faring much better.  If there's anyone who wants to read it, let me know.

I guess what I need to do is write a mystery, claim I can do a series of them with pithy-sounding titles, and push like crazy.  I already have Grammarly installed, what more can I do?