Waiting…

I could never be these guys, always waiting...

I’ve never been a patient person.  I hate waiting.  Always have, although I was not born premature.  I think that was the last time I waiting until I was supposed to.

This edginess of mine drives my wife nuts, as she is a very methodical person, patient to a fault.  She would rather wait until everything is exactly right and in place before moving ahead; I’m comfortable with charging on if we’re 80-90% complete, or sure of what we’re doing, confident that I can repair/fix/change whatever isn’t right as we go along.  The old joke I used to tell when we ran the ice cream parlor is that if Mona had her way, waiting until everything was “just right,” we’d be holding our grand opening in two weeks.  And I told this joke well into our second decade of business.  And it was still funny, because it’s true.

Anyway, I’m “on hold” now because of the heat.  If you live in the western US, you know that Oregon is under this “heat dome” where we’re getting Las Vegas temperatures without the glamorous shows nor the buffets.  It was 110° in Warren yesterday (hotter in Portland, of course), and we’re expecting 115° today.  Hell, it was 95° in Seaside on the coast on Sunday, and it NEVER gets hot out there because of the cool breezes blowing off the Pacific.  We used to laugh at the tourists who would come out to the coast to cool off when temps hit 90° or above in Portland; dressed in flip-flops, tank-tops, and short-shorts, they’d walk around with their arms wrapped around themselves trying to keep warm, wondering “WTH is going on?”  It was the only time I regretted selling ice cream and not owning the sweatshirt shop down the street.

Anyway, I’m waiting to do all my outdoor projects until the heat dies down (in a day or two, promise!), and frankly, it’s not as tough as all that.  I think this is because I’ve been “waiting” on a lot of things lately…

I’m waiting for Oregon to reopen due to COVID.  It’s supposed to happen either (a) when we reach that magical 70% vaccinated threshold, or on June 30^th, whichever comes first.  It’ll be June 30^th, because while we’re close, we have plenty of “my body, my choice (this time)” people who would not get the vaccine if you paid them, and yes, we tried that.  Here in Columbia County, we’re at a paltry 42% it’s better in the zip code where we live, thank you); an island surrounded by both metro counties and coastal communities in the 50s and 60s.  At least we’re not Malheur County (28%) nor the 97712 zip code in Deschutes County (a whopping 9.3%).  Jeebus.

I’m waiting for the Democrats to do something good again.  Sure, Biden started like a house afire, but how could he not, reversing many of the Executive Orders of the Previous Guy and pushing through a stimulus package that gave some average Americans (for once) some relief.  But voting rights, infrastructure, etc., etc.; that “progressive package” we’ve all known and loved and waited for for so long is at a standstill.  It’s not the heat; but something that burns even hotter – Mitch McConnel and his GOP stonewallers, reminding us that only one party is allowed to skip the bipartisan gambit and push ahead with whatever-in-hell they want (pretty sure it’s in the Constitution).  And the press helps them with this bullshit, but that’s another story.

Speaking of bullshit, I’m waiting for more arrests in the January 6^th insurrection, and I don’t mean just the folks who went inside.  Rounding up the organizers would be a nice touch, don’t you think?  You don’t think it was organized?  They had T-shirts printed up with the date and the event.  In advance.

And speaking of arrests, it’s now being said that criminal charges may be filed THIS WEEK against the Trump Organization.  According to the Manhattan D.A.’s office, it’s related to tax-related conduct, more specifically, “…possibly extensive and protracted criminal conduct" at the Trump Organization, including tax and insurance fraud and falsification of business records.  Remember when Trump bragged about not paying taxes?  “That makes me smart,” he said, smirkingly.  It’s well past time to wipe that smirk from his face.  The rest of the family, too, as well as Roger Stone, et al.

And finally, I’m waiting for stuff in the garden to ripen.  That’s an annual event, of course, but this year it takes on a bit more trepidation.  It’s the first year for all of our berry bushes to bear fruit, and so far, it’s a gusher.  Two pints of Loganberries so far; another two pints of Olallieberries today, and the Marionberries…another couple of weeks, but we have twice as many plants, so we’ll be rolling in them.  I hope.  We’ve harvested a ton of lettuce, bunches of carrots (more to go), radishes, and three pints of peas with the other half of the bed ready by the end of the week.  Still to mature - two kinds of apples, some pears, corn, green beans, acorn squash, butternut squash, cukes, melons, pepper, and of course, zucchini (we planted half the crop we did last year just so we wouldn’t have them coming out of our ears).  On the other hand, we planted MORE tomatoes because you cannot have too many tomatoes.

Oh, and I’m waiting for a new freezer to put it all in. 

When’s it coming? 

In two weeks.  Seriously.

I can’t wait.

Details, details, (lack of) details

Before we begin, it’s worth noting that this blog is almost 10 years old, or, in other words, it’s lasted almost 10 years longer than Donald Trump’s blog (which was shut down yesterday).

Now, I can’t begin to tell you if I’ve sputtered more nonsense in my 10 years than he has in the last, oh, 6 weeks or so, but I doubt it.  If you somehow missed the latest, the “rumor” is that Donnie the terrible expects to be reinstated sometime in August.

Yeah, reinstated.  As President.  Of these United States.

Republicans, marching in the same direction

Before you go running to your local constitutional scholar to see just how this might play out (hint – it doesn’t; that’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works), consider playing this fun game:  next time you see a Trumpkin post malarkey like this, ASK THEM.  Ask them, exactly, where in the US Constitution it says that a candidate who lost due to “fraud” (be sure to include the quotation marks) gets to be reinstated once the “fraud” is “proven” in “court.”  Ask them what proof is needed, which court decides, etc., etc.  Ask for lots of details.

You won’t get any, of course.

Conservatives have been horrible of late in providing details for…well, actually, for damn near anything.  They make claims, they make statements, and something is missing.  Details.

For example, many Republican-controlled legislatures are passing outrageous “voter protection” bills that do nothing of the kind.  What they actually do is make it very hard (for some people) to vote.  The GOPers say it’s to stop fraud at the polls, but when you ask them exactly how much fraud occurred in 2020, they mumble and stutter and then point to the lack of confidence the “voting public” (their side) has in the results (because of all the lies they told their side about why they lost). 

“Critical Race Theory” is being debated in many states by all the conservatives, but…do they even know what that means?  When I ask that question on the social medias, I get:

• “I ain’t doing your homework,”
• “Google it,”
• “It’s just another bad liberal idea, like all of them,” and
• [crickets].

(For a good overview, see here; for an interesting analysis, go here.)

Side note – this reminds me of a pro-Biden post I commented on last week, where a Trumpkin posted “This story is factually inaccurate and wrong.”  I asked what, specifically, was inaccurate and got a Sarah Palin-like response:  “All of it.”

You see, if Neo-Con-jobs would actually pay attention to the details, they might actually be able to think about the things they’re saying and the claims they’re making and realize it can be one way or the other way, but it can’t be both.

One example is the January 6^th insurrection.  More than 70% of Republicans say Antifa and/or was responsible, yet, also, too, more than 70% say there should NOT be an investigation and we should move on.  Wouldn’t they WANT to have PROOF that the nasty Antifa crowd should be answerable for all that death and damage?  And yet…

How about this one?  Fans of the Orange Blob want Trump to get credit for rushing the COVID vaccines through, but…they also say, ”I won’t take the vaccine because it was rushed.”

Oh, by the way, they STILL think Obama was born in Kenya.  Still.

And don’t forget that “Unemployment benefits are too generous” and simultaneously “The economy is overheating so much that inflation is going to kill us all.”

I mean, sure, it makes your head hurt, but all of this bullshit does affect our social discourse.  How can you reason with people who blurt out any string of words whether there’s any truth to them or not?  How can you possibly negotiate with anyone like that?

I know Joe means well, but as he would say: “C’mon, man.”

Times a wastin’ – let’s move forward without the bastards.

It’s About Time (I changed the title of this blog)

Not quite ten years ago, I started this blog for a variety of reasons.  Since then, a lot has changed, including the reasons for continuing to write and what I write about.  Actually, just about everything has changed except the title.  I’ve been wanting to do that, too, but couldn’t think of a title that stuck with me, reflected exactly what I wanted to be all about.  And then it hit me.

I’ve been reading American Lighting, about the bombing of the LA Times Building back in 1910 and the intersection of three prominent Americans – Billy Burns, the famous detective who “cracked the case;” Clarence Darrow, who defended the labor-leader perpetrators; and D. W. Griffith, the famous director, who had absolutely nothing to do with these events but somehow author Howard Blum wove him into the narrative.  As a history, it’s a bit clunky, but Blum mostly pulls it off.

But briefly mentioned in the text (he had more to do with the story than Griffith) is E. W. Scripps, and the reference to him as “The Old Crank.”  Turns out that’s not quite right – it’s DAMNED OLD CRANK, which was also the title of his autobiography.  I knew about Scripps, of course – started the Detroit News and later a chain of newspapers, then created UPI, etc., etc.  Ohio University’s School of Journalism is named after him.  At some point, I’ll have to find a copy of the bio and read more about the man, if nothing more than to find out what made him tick other than his prolific consumption of cigars and whiskey – he was reported to drink about a gallon a day.

So why use Damned Old Crank for the title of this blog?  Is that a reference to the great journalism I hope to accomplish here?  A tip o’ the hat to Scripp’s moxie and drive?

Nah.  It’s just that I not only consider myself a Damned Old Crank, but others do, too.

My Sister-in-Law’s nickname for me is “Mr. Bombastic.”  I can get like that, for sure.  My wife says that as I’ve aged I’ve gotten crankier – she blames the fact that our social skills have been dulled for the last 15 months due to COVID, while I think I come off that was because my voice is going (I now speak in a raspy old-man growl due to throat irritation mixed with actually being irritated by other people).

The old “Wanna Bet” title partly reflected the original purpose of the blog (to talk about gambling) and a personal attitude.  Back in the day, that was my Dad’s rejoinder (and mine) to a challenge or a claim that something we uttered was incorrect.  “Wanna Bet?” Dad would bellow, and I adopted the same phrase and defiant position.  Later in life, when Mona and I faced one hurdle after another, we’d respond a bit differently (though still defiant): “Oh, yeah?  Well, fuck you!”  No, seriously.  It was like a precursor to the “Hold my beer” prompt, and it became our rallying cry when faced with whatever challenge life threw our way.

Now that we’re retired, the challenges are fewer (though no less daunting), and while, “Oh yeah, well fuck you” sounds like a great blog title to ME, I kept thinking I could do a bit better (and come off less crass).  So Damned Old Crank it is.

Your comments and sass are welcome, and no, I don’t plan to change the picture just yet even though it’s 25 years old, because it’s STILL the biggest check I’ve ever received from writing (both figurative and literally).  Maybe someday once I’ve lost as much hair as Scripps, but not now.

485 Verbal

No, do not buy this.

I just finished the book “The Stepmother” and have two issues, which leads to two different complaints.  As noted, I am not the guy one thinks about when one thinks of “literary criticism.”  The “485 Verbal” of the title refers to my old SAT scores (barely above the minimum).  I have no real excuse except that I spent too much time on the match portion (685 score) and that just totally dogged it (pretty sure my PSAT was a lot better, but I don’t remember).  My wife and I laugh about SAT scores now because we both denied reality and obtained degrees and professions NOT in our strong suits.  I studied Communications and went into radio, while she took up accounting and became a CPA despite a low SAT score in Math (her Verbal score was 700-something).

But I digress…

Before I discuss my issues with “The Stepmother,” a brief plot summary:  Poor single mom acts as a personal trainer to a rich millionaire who falls in love with her and asks her to marry him.  She accepts, which pisses off his three adult kids (who are true leeches on the family fortune).  There is a threat to her life, but she survives and marries him, and then shortly after, HE dies in an accident which looks like was targeted for her, but instead, she winds up charged for the crime.  The rest of the book is about how she tries to figure out who really did it with the help of a friendly cop (who she falls in love with) and her attorney.  There are a couple of plot twists, but nothing too complicated and it gets predictable near the end.  That’s not my issue, although it didn’t help my “enjoyment” of the novel.

No, what grinds my gears is (a), horrible grammatical mistakes, and (b) the tendency to tell, not show, which is a cardinal sin in writing.

Now explaining the concept of “show, don’t tell” to a non-writer/reader is akin to explaining critical race theory to a Republican.  Even though we call it storytelling, one should SHOW the action, not TELL about it. 

Is Mary angry?  How angry?  Don’t tell us she’s very angry – show us?  Did she grimace?  Bite her lip?  Snarl?  Slam her hand against the window?  Throw a pot at someone?  SHOW us.  In this book, there was far too much telling when it would have been easy to show (the plot practically begs for it).  I noticed it pretty quickly and went back to read the critical reviews online, and I wish I had done so before buying the book (fortunately it was a used book, dirt cheap, but still).

And then, once you’ve shown us, don’t try to tell us what you’ve shown.  More than once, there was a line like, “Dammit,” she snapped angrily.  The “angrily” is superfluous; how else does one snap the word “Dammit?”  How about, “Dammit,” she snapped lustfully?  “Dammit,” she snapped gaily?  Nah.  It makes one wonder if the novel was edited or proofed.

Even more evidence of a lack of editing or proofing was the grammatical errors.  Desert instead of dessert (three times!), breath instead of breathe, not rather than now, draws instead of drawers, and other faux pas. Every time I came across one, I snapped, “DAMMIT,” and angrily, too.

I did so because “The Stepmother” isn’t a one-off.  It’s one of SEVEN books by this author, all with similar dreadful titles (The Babysitter, The Trophy Wife, The Daughter-in-Law, etc).  Oh, wait, there’s more – Diana Diamond is a pseudonym for New York Times best-selling author William P. Kennedy.  In other words, he should know better.

It’s also not a one-off because it’s an indictment of just how stupid we’re becoming.  This book got decent reviews.  It’s apparent to me that many readers never noticed the errors or the “telling, not showing” problems.  This is why there are lots of Facebook pages like “America's Cultural Decline Into Idiocy (ACDII)” with sign errors or other examples of our mental decline, and they never seem to run out of examples, do they?  That’s one of my complaints.

And “The Stepmother” isn’t the first book I’ve read with all these flaws.  Last month I finished “Mr. Churchill’s Secretary,” which again had an exciting-sounding plot but suffered from poor (OK, shitty) execution.  If you read the reviews you see many were hoodwinked into thinking this was a great read (enough so that the author has ground out 10 similar novels in a short time), but if you read the critical ones, you’d know better than to waste your hard-earned money.

The other complaint is more personal – how does this crap get published, while I can’t get anyone interested in any of my works?  The first novel was rejected 128 times, and only one agent/publisher asked for the entire manuscript (and then rejected it, but rightly so – eventually I will make corrections and try again).  More rejections were perfunctory; “…regrettably, your project is not a right fit for our agency,” “…it is not the type of book I am considering at this time,” “however, this project doesn’t sound right for me,” etc.  Novel #2 isn’t faring much better.  If there's anyone who wants to read it, let me know.

I guess what I need to do is write a mystery, claim I can do a series of them with pithy-sounding titles, and push like crazy.  I already have Grammarly installed, what more can I do?

The Winds of Change? (post COVID)

Which direction you wanna go?

Events over the last few days make me remember the classic Buffalo Springfield hit, For What it’s Worth…

There's something happening here.
But what it is ain't exactly clear.

With COVID vaccines on the rise and cases on the decline, folks are looking ahead to that magic moment when things are “back to normal” (full disclosure – we’re nowhere near that yet, so keep your shirts on).  The thing is, there are two camps – the “back” camp and the “how about we try to make things a little better now that we know stuff” camp.

We now know that, yes, you CAN have a large part of your staff work successfully at home.  Bonus:  many employees LOVE this and can get more work done or do better at home that at the office, what we call a win-win situation.  Who could have known?

We now know that those individuals who work for companies that must have in-person employees (service jobs, hospitals, restaurants, etc.) are very concerned about staying safe (not sick with COVID) and making a decent wage.  Many employers have experienced labor shortages as they try to reopen, but are amazed to find those shortages disappear when they offer a living wage and/or insist that all employees are vaccinated.  It’s better for both employees and the company.  Who could have known?

We now know that people LOVE to vote by mail, and that more people actually vote when you make it easier to vote.  Who could have known?

And so on.

A year ago, I cringed when I kept hearing people yip about “getting back to normal” (one has to remember that the former guy was in charge and things were anything but “normal”), and I continually offered the option that maybe, just maybe, we could put on our progressive hats and try to think about ways to make things better.  There are so many damn problems we need to deal with – infrastructure, climate change, income inequality, and so on, and it seems like only half of the country is offering solutions and/or partial solutions to these issues.

The other half just wants to “go back to normal.”

Well, guess what?

I am starting to see real rebellion in doing just that.

And it’s gratifying.

Slowly but surely, we lurch forward.  We always do.  This decade isn’t like the 1980s, which wasn’t like the 1950s, and so on.  Much of the draconian discussion about “going back” is getting the blowback it deserves.  One thing I haven’t mentioned is the “get the kids back to school” argument.  Seems like most everyone is insistent in reopening schools whether it’s safe or not (it might have more to do with Mom or Dad wanting to get back to work vs. getting the best education for Johnny or Jennifer), but there’s actually some who see the benefits of remote learning (like working from home; some can, some can’t).  I know I was born 60 years too soon, as I would LOVE to learn at home via a computer.  In elementary school I did a lot of “remote” learning – I was sick part of the time and in two grades I finished the coursework early, so was assigned extra “independent work” to do at home/library; and I LOVED IT.  And there’s evidence that some kids thrive in the new environment.

So, the next time someone suggests we’re closer to “getting back to normal,” tell them, “Gosh, I hope not.”

It can be so much better if we make it so.  So, make it so.

Dying to Own the Libs?

Two pokes and done!

The good news is that as of today, both Mona and I have received our second Moderna shots.  We’re part of the 25% of Oregonians who are “fully vaccinated” against COVID, even though “fully” means 90%, not 100%.  I guess it’s because “close enough” doesn’t sound promising enough.

That’s not why some folks aren’t getting the vaccine, of course.

You’ve no doubt read that nearly half of those who voted for Trump do not expect to get the vaccine.  Now, to be fair, some of them say, “not yet” and they actually give “compelling reasons” for why they plan to wait.  They want to see just how good it works in actual application vs. clinical trials, they want to see if it’s effective against the variant strains, they want to see if any serious side effects emerge.  The problem with their skepticism is that they won’t do the groundwork themselves to find out the answers to these questions, and, given their news sources of choice (Fox, Rush, Glenn Beck, Alex Jones, et al), they won’t get answers there, either.

Not good ones.  Not true ones.

Just imagine how many mental gymnastics a conservative must do nowadays to navigate the COVID/vaccine maze.  After all, this is a disease introduced by the Chinese that’s a hoax and is no worse than the flu which hardly affected anyone this winter and even though a half-million Americans are dead and there are more than 140 million cases worldwide (and the US accounts for almost a quarter of ‘em) the numbers are fake thanks to the CDC and WHO and the Deep State.  But it’s real because Dear Leader got the virus and beat it and then developed a vaccine in record time all by himself and deserves the Nobel Prize for it and even though all the former Presidents got vaccinated in public to promote it and he did in secretly and didn’t tell anyone but he deserves all the credit and Biden doesn’t even though vaccination rates are four, five, even ten times higher now than they were when he was in charge and it’s the states’ fault anyway even though it’s tough to get an appointment and places are throwing away the vaccine because no one is signing up and I never get the Flu Virus Vaccine except for those three times before when there was a Republican President and that’s why I ain’t gettin’ no COVID vaccine because even if I do get it, it won’t be so bad like a cold and poor old Aunt Betsy was old and had a bad ticker and was gonna die, anyway. 

I’m sure I missed something.

Last seven weeks here in Oregon.  Not good.

What I am not missing is the fact that even though more and more people are becoming fully vaccinated like me, the case count is going up, up, UP!  Fortunately, deaths are not rising as dramatically (yet) although we still don’t know all the long-term effects of the disease even though preliminary indications are that it’s not good for you, period.  As if any illness is.

And why are positive case counts going up, up to levels not seen since the Christmas/New Year’s bump?

Because folks are stupid.

Like many other states who are experiencing large bumps in cases (looking at YOU, Michigan), Oregon is “opening up” prematurely.  Yes, that’s my opinion.  Others think differently – High Schools are playing football and other sports, many classes are back in session, you can eat inside at the restaurants and bars (though there’s some “limited capacity”) and even the soccer teams are putting (some) fans back in the seats.  We also had the annual “spring break” on the coast and big crowds in the churches for Easter and every time we go to the market (still only once a week or less because why take the risk?) we see mask-less folks and many chin-straps.  And folks are just SO DAMN EXCITED ABOUT IT – CAN’T WAIT TO GO EAT AND HUG SOMEONE.

Like I said, stupid.

To me, it’s like someone serving a 15-year prison sentence who breaks out of jail three weeks before the end of his sentence.  We’ve been putting up with masks, social distancing, washing our hands, limiting trips, ALL THAT SHIT FOR SO FUCKING LONG – surely we could hold off just a little longer to get (almost) everyone (who wants it) vaccinated to eradicate ourselves from this horrible disease?

Nah.

Because stupid.

Every day we see evidence of America’s growing stupidity.  Not just about COVID.  Not just political thought.  Not just bad spelling and poor grammar.  But bad decisions with horrible consequences from folks who you wonder sometimes how they got dressed that morning they seem so stupid.  But not only does no one seem bothered by our increasing stupidity, but many folks also revel in it.  They celebrate not only the stupidity of others but of themselves.

Yes, I know…Dunning-Kruger effect in action.

The stupidest idea though is the one that’s been circulating for a while underground and is now “mainstream” because it’s been in the New York Times – the concept that conservatives are denying themselves the vaccine because “it would make Biden look good,” ergo, “I’ll take my chances / get sick / die just to own the libs.”

Now that’s stupid.

The longer we fail to meet “herd immunity,” the longer it will take to reach “herd immunity.”  They want all the restrictions lifted, and a quick return to normal.  But they won’t do the things we need to do for that to happen.

No wonder we called ‘em fuckers.  But no longer.   Now, they’re stupid fuckers. 

And if they catch the virus, I will not cry. 

BETA Means “Not Everything Is Working Correctly, Maybe”

I do not claim to be a computer expert, but I do know something about how they work.  I know what an algorithm is.  I know how they’re supposed to work, and I know that when there’s a pattern that is evident all the time EXCEPT in one specific case, that specific case must have some “difference” that causes it to be an exception.

Some background:

As you may know, I have a variety of small paperbacks and eBooks for sale on Amazon.  I don’t sell books that often, so when I do there’s cause for celebration (about 130-150 per year, to be honest).  That’s over five different titles, but just two paperbacks make up almost 80% of sales – The ABCs of Craps (over 50%) and The ABCs of 21 (almost 27%).

Amazon has a variety of features in their sales reporting system that shows you how you’re doing; all sorts of sales reports, royalties estimators, and the like.  They’ve made several changes over the years, and now have a new BETA program that shows “Sales Ranking” for the various books in a variety of categories (overall, and the ones you assign to your books).

This is where Amazon’s “algorithm” comes in.  Obviously, the more books you sell, the higher your ranking.  Boy, that’s tough to figure out.  The Sales Ranking is updated hourly, which means it’s more “real-time” than the Sales Report, which always takes a day or two to “settle” before posting.  I’m cool with that, recognizing that charges have to go through, be posted, all of that.

I’ve noticed that when I check Sales Ranking and suddenly, my ranking goes UP, this must mean I’ve sold a book, and sure enough, a day or two later a sale is recorded in the Sales Report.

Except for one book, The ABCs of 21.  For some reason, there’s no sync between sales and rank change. 

Here’s a table showing sales and rank “bumps” for my Craps book (from the graphs I see in my reports).  Note that the last bump has yet to show up in sales (but I know it will, today or tomorrow):

Rank jump on	Sale made on	Days between	Books sold
3/17/2021	3/19/2021	2	1
3/21/2021	3/23/2021	2	1
3/25/2021	3/26/2021	1	1
3/27/2021	3/28/2021	1	1
3/29/2021	3/30/2021	1	1
4/1/2021	4/3/2021	2	1
4/6/2021	4/8/2021	2	1
4/8/2021	4/9/2021	1	1
4/12/2021	4/14/2021	2	1
4/14/2021	probably 4-17	2-3	1

And now, here’s the same for The ABCs of 21.  I had to go back further than 30 days to show more activity, but it’s still fucked up.  

Rank jump on	Sale made on	Days between	Books sold
8/30/2020	9/6/2020	7	1
	10/28/2020	???	1
11/12/2020	11/15/2020	3	1
11/27/2020	12/1/2020	4	1
11/30/2020	12/2/2020	2	1
	12/5/2020	???	1
	3/10/2021	???	1
3/18/2021	3/21/2021	3	1
	3/28/2021	???	4
4/2/2021	4/4/2021	2	1
	4/13/2021	???	1

Different, huh?  Look at the sales on 3/28.  You’re trying to tell me I sold FOUR BOOKS ON ONE DAY and the RANKING DIDN’T CHANGE A BIT?

Well, Amazon is telling me that.

I’ve written to them (well, we’ve gone back and forth) about this, and every time, they say the same thing using different words:

• “…there are multiple factors that determine the rank of a book and we cannot share our sales rank algorithms and related criteria. Sales, categories, other books determine the ranks, you are being monitoring your tittles but there are lot of tittles that will include on how the rank of your books change.”

• “I do understand your concern, let me explain you how does it works. I've confirmed that the ranking for your book(s) is correct. There are multiple factors that determine the rank of a book and we cannot share our sales rank algorithms and related criteria.”
• “I've checked your book and also confirmed that the ranking for your book(s) is correct as my colleague previously have mentioned.  There are multiple factors that determine the rank of a book and we cannot share our sales rank algorithms and related criteria.”

So, according to Amazon, all is well.  Certainly not their spelling and/or grammar, but that’s a discussion for another day.

After three days of arguing, I gave up (for a time) and went back to check my other books.  As I mentioned, I don’t sell many of ‘em, so I had to dig further, but I found that they also do the same “Rank up, wait two days, Sale posted” dance.  Except…one of the books shows “weirdly” in the graph.  Like so:

Units Ordered = 0?  Then what are those little bumps for?

And so far, Amazon hasn’t responded to this.  Can’t imagine why.

So why is this such a big deal?  Two reasons; first, success begets success.  I know that higher-ranked books sell better because potential customers are lazy and won’t scroll through hundreds of titles to find what they’re looking for.  If you’re not in the top few pages, forget it.  I know this is so because I sell more books when I “sell more books;” also, I do the same thing.

The second reason is far more important.  If this is happening to my account, it CAN’T be the ONLY problem.  I know this because of another situation a long time ago when I argued with my former ISP about our business website.  Overnight, all my changes disappeared and an older version was in its place.  I knew what happened – they backed up and restored the wrong version, and if it happened to my website it happened to a slew of others.  But when I called Tech Support, I got the old runaround about how I must have done something wrong and how I needed to clear my cache and perhaps reboot my system and on and on.  I finally was able to talk to the head of the firm (who was a customer of the ice cream shop, so he knew me), and sure as shit, they discovered I was right.  This happened again not two months later, and…same thing.  I got the runaround, I called the President, and they had to admit they were wrong and I was right and they restored the correct version.  Again.

From then on, I had no further problems when calling Tech Support, most likely because they had a large black asterisk next to my name which meant “Don’t fuck with the old man; he knows what he’s doing.”

I hope that Amazon will also install a black asterisk next to my name soon.