Thursday, February 5, 2015

RAWA Hearing Prop Bets

What kind of politician uses pink Post-It tabs, anyway?
I wanted to set the lines now before the hearings began.  What hearings?  Oh, haven’t you heard - they’ve brought back RAWA (technically Restore America’s Wire Act, but in reality Really Awful Whiny Adelson).  Reprehensive Jason Chaffetz (I swear I meant to type Representative - damn you autocorrect) has made his move, with Lindsey Graham set to offer similar bull (a SIMILAR BILL, dammit) in the Senate.  At a presser yesterday, Chaffetz said that he might call a hearing,
“…specifically on how the online gaming industry has started to target children…We have not suggested we would issue a subpoena or anything yet…That is always a tool in our bag we could pull out at any time. It is an issue that is very important, very pervasive.”

Now you and I know that a full public (and proper) hearing would be the very last thing Sheldon Adelson would want to see for his pet project.  After all, facts might emerge.  That would certainly discourage the bill’s passage (unless Uncle Shelly brought an extra checkbook).  But they still might have a hearing.  A slanted, biased, packed-to-one-side type of hearing.  Y’know, the kind Congress is famous for (like hearings on women’s health that neglect to include women).

I considering making this a drinking game, like “take a drink every time someone says, ‘think of the children,’” but alcoholism is a serious problem.  So, I figured that actually betting on the outcome of specific events would be dryer and more appropriate.  So here we go:

Prop Bets/Odds:
2 to 1
Mention of New Jersey online gaming market’s failure to meet ridiculous projections (though the word “ridiculous” won’t be).
12 to 1
Mention of Nevada online gaming market’s success.
6 to 1
Confusion of Zynga Poker with a real money gaming site.
5 to 1
Actual appearance of Andy Abboud.
7 to 1
Actual appearance of Cheri Jacobus.
Actual appearance of Sheldon Adelson.
3 to 1
Mention of “hacks” and online scams of computing systems in Europe and Asia.
10 to 1
Mention of successful, secure, and safe European online gambling sites.
99 to 1
Mention of successful, secure, and safe American online gambling sites (New Jersey, Nevada, and Delaware for those unaware - like Chaffetz, who said, “This is the Wild Wild West…There are no rules, no prohibitions, no structure, no oversight, nothing.”)
85 to 1
Mention of “hacks” of Sands Corporation systems last year.
4 to 1
Mention of “raid” of Amaya offices in December, 2014.
40 to 1
Mention of increase in value of Amaya stock since December, 2014.
5 to 1
Citing of old 2009 FBI letter “warning” of “potential” of online gaming (and a billion other things) to be involved with money laundering.

Over/Under (even money bets):
Number of cell phones whipped out, with holder exclaiming, “This could be a casino.”
Number of times someone mentions, “Smart 14-year olds.”
Number of times Senator McCain is caught playing poker while hearing in session.
Number of individuals with any technical expertise on the Internet or computers not named “Thackson” called to testify.
Number of co-chair members of the Coalition to Stop Internet Gambling called to testify (there are four in all).
Number of members of any online gaming company called to testify.
Mispronunciations of “Antigua.
Number of dollars, in millions, Adelson will use to payoff fund various committee members’ future political campaigns.

Grab some popcorn.  Get your money down NOW.  And notify your Congressional Representatives and Senators to stop this nonsense ONCE AND FOR ALL.

Bet on it.

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